Outtakes Through Glass
by Tianiichan
Summary: Requests and alternate POV's from Through Glass.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok! This one was requested, well it was either a Tanya, Esme or Edward POV request, not specified, I chose Tanya! NZTwilighter- this one is all yours darlin'. I hope you like it… **

**I will take requests for chapters done from a different POV- if you should be so inclined to ask! Just ask in a review, or send me a PM, I won't disable those! I'll post up on the next chapter of Through Glass that the outtakes exist- I know not everyone has me on Author Alert and I don't want you guys to miss out!**

**Also- NZTwilighter has also asked for an alternate ending. I'm totally cool with doing that, when the story is over, I'll post up here- on the outtakes, a Jasper/Bella alternate ending. And no bashing her for that! You know that almost all of you were Team Jasper before he turned in to an asshole and I could totally redeem him! You just wait!**

**Without further ado- heeeere's Tanya!**

**All things Twilight still belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

Someone told me long ago,

There's a calm before the storm,

I know, it's been coming for some time.

-Have You Ever Seen the Rain?, Creedence Clearwater Revival

~Tanya POV~

What an awful day. I didn't understand how anyone was holding up as well as they were. I felt like collapsing all day long and I didn't even know Peter Whitlock. It was so very obvious how loved he was though. The grief and the respect and the love for him was present on every face at the funeral and burial.

But no face showed it as much as his wife. Charlotte was such a wonderful woman, and she tried so hard to be brave and strong in the face of burying the love of her life. The past days spent in this rainy, small, depressing town were brightened with stories told by Charlotte about her husband and his undying love and devotion to her and their children. Every once in awhile, you could see the strain on her face, in her movements or how her body sagged just a bit, but she tried _so hard_ to stand tall for her children and everyone else. Only when we all heard his casket hit bottom, did she lose it. Taking her son down with her in to the soft, muddy earth beside the gravesite, it was impossible to not feel her pain.

"Excuse me, Tanya," Edward murmured as he made his way to the front row. I don't know how he was handling it either. He loved Bella so much- he'd told me so on many occasions. He came to me the night he first met her- or slammed a door in to her head was more like it. I laughed at him and told him that only he could manage something like that. The boy was _not smooth,_ no matter what he liked to think. A dork trapped in a gorgeous man's body. I doubted Bella knew the extent to his dorkiness yet- he'd been trying so hard to impress her. From the way she looked at him though, she didn't see it at all. He was the sun, moon and stars to her, and she loved him too. I'm so glad that she finally admitted it. Regardless, he was one of the best men I had ever met, and that was the reason that he was the first one out of place and rushing to help Charlotte and Jasper.

And Jasper- ugh. I just didn't know what to say about that boy. He was gorgeous, of course he was. He was everything that Edward had described jealously to me and more. Wavy, chin length blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes and a smile to die for- that was Jasper Whitlock. It was no wonder at all why Alice had married him and Bella had carried a torch for him. I knew somewhat what was going on- Edward had told me what he could. That Jasper and Alice had dated and married after seven years together- high school sweethearts. That Jasper left Alice, claiming to be in love with Bella. That he too, had carried a torch and after he married, felt it was undeniable what he felt for Bella. What a terrible situation to be in regardless, add to that- the two women are best friends, has been forever? Well…

I don't know how Alice is dealing with it. I've been on both ends of the spectrum. At least it feels that way. I can sympathize with Bella- I carried a torch for Felix for a long time. And regardless of whom he actually is versus who I thought he was… well, you can't help who you love. And neither can Bella. So, of course I feel for her. But I feel for Alice too. How can I not? She tries so hard to keep on a happy face, to be that person that everyone thinks she is, but sometimes I get the feeling that not everything is as good as Alice thinks it is.

I shook my head, bringing myself back to the situation at hand and realizing that people were leaving now. I moved my eyes to the front row, Jasper was clinging to Bella for dear life, sobbing painfully but she was in tears too. I saw Alice slowly, almost hesitantly walk up to the front row and sit to the other side of him, grabbing tight and sobbing in to him as well. He didn't acknowledge her at all- not from what I could see. That would just kill me! I've seen it happen time and again since we've been here- Alice does what she can to try to help Jasper, that is, before he disappears behind closed doors with Bella, and he just ignores her or flat out refuses to do what she asks or answer whatever question she has posed. I can't honestly say that I don't care too much for him.

My eyes catch Edward, still standing close to the front row and wiping his eyes gently. God, I can't imagine how he feels right now. He _knows_ that Bella loves him. He _knows_ how much she wants to be with him. But he knows that his patience is all he can offer her right now. To know all of that and have to watch the one you love crying with someone they once loved, comforting someone they once loved- I don't know how he's standing it.

"Tanya dear, we should go up there," Esme said gently to me. "Rose and Emmett helped Charlotte to the car, we should see if we can help those three," she inclined her head to where Japer was sandwiched between Bella and Alice.

So we did, I asked Bella if she needed help and with her acceptance, Esme took Alice while Edward and I helped Bella and Jasper to the family car. That was a source of contention before the funeral. All of the Whitlock's family that came in felt that Alice should have been with the family, in the family car and sitting with the family, or that no one at all should have. Everyone looked on with disdain as Bella followed behind Jasper all day, into the car and out at the church and then back to the car and to the front at the burial. I wanted to scream at all of them! It was obvious beforehand; everyone had heard Jasper and Bella quietly bickering about it, Bella felt just as the rest of his family did- save for his immediate family. Charlotte agreed with Jasper, if Bella was who he wanted there, then by God- Bella would be there. Rose and Emmett were between a rock and a hard place; they both knew the _whole_ situation but couldn't very well voice that. They just remained silent. I think that it wore on Alice though- her face had been tight and emotionless all day, until she broke down beside Jasper after the burial.

Esme, Edward, Alice and myself rode quietly back to the Whitlock house. I turned my head to look at Edward, I was right, today was wearing on him immensely. His face showed the array of emotions he was experiencing and I wished so much that I could do something for him. I knew though, he wouldn't be okay until Bella was in his arms again. I just had to sit tight and be strong for him; much like Bella had to do for Jasper.

Alice disappeared immediately after arriving at the Whitlock house, I wanted to follow her, but first I really needed to talk to Edward. He couldn't walk in there looking like he did. People knew that he didn't really know Peter and I didn't want him going in there looking that miserable and having people wonder as to why.

"I'm going to check on Bella, she probably needs help- if I know her, she's already in the kitchen," Esme said quietly. I nodded to let her know that I agreed and felt her place a hand on my shoulder. I turned and found that she'd placed her other hand on Edward's shoulder, she told us, "You two just hang in there. It's almost over, son. And Tanya?" I raised my eyes to hers, "Thank you for taking care of him."

I smiled at her, earning myself one of her beautiful smiles in return. I adored Esme, well, now I did. The woman used to seriously intimidate me; I know she did it on purpose. After the terrible rumors that I had heard Gianna spreading about me, well, I understood. I begged Edward not to tell her or any of his family the truth of the matter, but finally caved to letting him tell his mother. She showed up on my doorstep not an hour after he'd told her. Armed with a loaf of banana bread and two Venti Latte's, Esme asked for my forgiveness. Of course I didn't forgive her for anything- there was nothing to forgive in the first place. She's one of my best friends now and probably the most incredibly strong and kind person I've ever met.

Grasping Edward's hand, I asked, "Hey mister, how ya doing over there?"

He let out a long, low breath, "I'm good."

I squeezed his hand before pulling my own back and whacking his bicep. He muttered 'ow' like the big baby he is and I asked, "How are you _really_ doing?"

"Honestly?" I nodded my head; of course I wanted him to be honest. "I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I actually do feel sorry for Jasper- and I'm glad that Bella is able to help him. Then in the same breath? I want to knock him in to next week and yell at him to keep his fucking hands to himself!"

I sighed, "You know she loves you, right?" He nodded, "So don't sweat the small stuff, Edward. You go back in two days and you should just-"

"And that's what else," he interrupted, "I'm flipping the fuck out about leaving her here with him. Alone. I know they won't technically be alone, but… I don't want to go back without her."

"Edward, look at me," he turned his head to look at me. When I saw his eyes uncloud and his attention focus to me, I continued, "You can't do that. If you love her, you have to trust her-"

"I _do_ trust _her-_"

"Don't interrupt! Rude!" He rolled his eyes at me for that but shut his mouth anyway. "Trusting her means trusting her. There's no if, ands or buts about it. You say that you trust her- and I think you most definitely should. Then show her. She didn't receive that kindness from Jasper, show her you're different."

He sighed, long and deep before nodding to show his agreement. "Okay, good. Now straighten yourself out and I'll meet you inside. I want to check on Alice."

~*~

But Alice was like a recluse. It took me nearly an hour to find her and when I did she didn't say much at all. She was uncharacteristically quiet all day. I was worried; I had a bad feeling about what that might mean. She reminded me of a saying I was brought up with – 'the calm before the storm.' When the time came to bid Bella goodbye for now- we'd see her later that night, I couldn't find Alice anywhere to ask if she was ready to leave as well. Of course I didn't make a big fuss about it, she had her own car, but still, I was worried.

I voiced my concerns once we had returned to the Swan house. Charlie assured me that Alice was fine. That she was a trooper, but today was a sad day and Peter had been like a father to her. If she was only being quiet, then she was doing good. I didn't feel any better though; there was a gnawing in my gut telling me something was wrong.

Esme tried to distract me, pulling me to the kitchen and telling me we were going to cook for 'Bella's bachelor father.' She and Charlie got along famously. Actually, everyone seemed to get along famously with Charlie. He was incredibly easygoing and aside from the confusion of the whole Edward/Jasper/Bella triangle drama that he wasn't pleased about, he was obviously happy to have a full house. Esme had been trying to coerce him into moving to Jacksonville all week. She went so far as to tell him that she had 'connections' with the police force. We all looked disbelievingly toward her until the grin broke across her face, along with a gentle giggle and a wink. That woman…

About an hour into cooking- and Charlie was stocked up on leftovers for a week at least, we heard the door close gently and we all turned as Alice walked in. She smiled her sad little smile at us and then promptly broke in to tears. Esme and I both made a move to get to her, but it was Charlie who made it first. He led her to a seat at the kitchen table and sat down next to her. Esme and I continued to clear the dishes as Charlie tried to calm her down. Edward didn't move from his seat, he was staring off into space and I knew that he was wondering why Bella hadn't come home at the same time as Alice.

After Esme and I had finished, we sat down at the table too. Alice was completely calmed down now, whatever Charlie had told her was obviously effective. Esme reached across the table to her, gripping her hand and squeezing. No words were spoken, but with Esme- no words were needed. Anything she could say with words, she could say with just one look and that's exactly what Alice found right then. A genuine smile appeared on her face and I let out a breath at the sight. I was happy she was back.

I turned to Edward and noticed that he still had that worried, spaced-out look on his face so I took my shoe off and kicked his shin. He shot me a dirty look but it worked, he came back to the present and hopefully he would stay that way- he didn't need to worry about Bella. She was a big girl and she had handled the Jasper situation just fine up until now. He needed to trust her.

"So, Alice," Esme said, gathering the attention of not only Alice but the other three occupants of the table as well. "Personal shopper, eh?"

I really couldn't help the laugh that spilled out of me at that. Everyone else joined in also, though the guys at the table rolled their eyes. Esme wasn't stupid though- it was the distraction that was needed. Alice began to ramble about designers and fabrics and spring lines. Esme was completely enraptured and I must say that I was too. I found myself wishing that Alice was in Jacksonville too- I'd love her to be my personal shopper. She obviously knew her stuff.

I'm not sure how long we'd all been lost in Alice's voice, but suddenly a door slammed from the front of the house. It was so forceful that it reverberated through the whole first floor and shook the windows. Alice shut-up real fast and we all turned toward the incoming stomps. When Bella walked through that door, I think we were all shocked.

Her face was blotchy and swollen from crying. The tear stains ran down her face along with some smudges of mascara and eyeliner. Her skin was red- bright red and it screamed 'angry.' Her whole appearance was disheveled and I immediately tensed up wondering what had happened. I followed the _bitch-glare_ she was shooting, and found that it was directed at _Alice._

"Hey there Bells-"Charlie started to say and just as I was thanking him mentally for breaking the silence, Bella went _crazy._

"What the _fuck _were you thinking?!" Bella yelled. Like the door before that, it reverberated through the first floor. I cringed, I didn't know Bella's voice could be that loud for one, and for two… why was she glaring and yelling at _Alice?_

Charlie tried again to insert himself into conversation with Bella only to be cut off once more. Only this time when Bella yelled at her, Alice broke down in tears. Immediately, I poised my legs to push myself up. I was going to go to Alice and try to comfort her, so that someone could get to the bottom of this. I saw from the corner of my eye, Esme itching to do so as well. Charlie beat us both to it though, he surrounded Alice with the warmth and security and his own arms and quietly, I let out a sigh of relief.

But it was short-lived, as Bella rushed around the table toward the two, yelling that Alice wouldn't receive comfort from Bella's father. What was the matter with her? She ripped Charlie's arms from around Alice, stunning him into submission. I'd _never_ pegged Bella to be _cruel._ Alice of course started crying harder. It broke my heart and again, I made to get up, but again, I was beaten. Esme was already up and pushing her chair back when Bella yelled at her to not come.

Esme was clearly concerned, "Bella dear, what's happened?"

And then of course, we all received the shock of a lifetime. I _knew_ something bad was going to happen…

"Ask Alice," Bella spat right into Alice's face. She was breathing heavily and I can honestly say I had no idea as to what she would say next. When she spat that Alice had spilled the beans about Edward to Jasper, I gasped. So did Esme and I heard Edward cough from across the table. I turned my attention to him. The relief at the statement was clear on his face, but mingled with that was the undeniable guilt he was feeling.

It was another complicated situation. He'd said earlier he felt bad for Jasper, but he didn't want Jasper touching Bella anymore. Clearly, he'd gotten his wish and the relief that he should have felt was clouded with the realization that he'd taken Jasper's only sense of comfort.

"Oh, go to hell, Bella! He fucking deserved to know! What you were doing was _wrong! _It should have been _me_ there to comfort him!" Alice yelled back at Bella.

And that right there was all the answer I needed. I had a bad feeling all day where Alice was concerned. None of us had seen it, she'd tried to stand to the side and be the gracious friend and ally that Bella needed. But all along she'd still been in love with her husband. Who wouldn't have reacted that way? Not one person at that table agreed with Bella leading Jasper on. But we all knew her reasoning behind what she was doing and not one of us had felt that she was leading him on. We'd encouraged her and tried to comfort her- it wasn't something she _wanted._ Now… now we find out that Alice had still been in love with Jasper all this time…

Of course Bella called her out on it, amongst other things. Namely, Alice's encouragement and involvement with Bella and Edward admitting their initial attraction to each other. Well- Bella's attraction to Edward, he was _gone_ the moment he saw her.

They went back and forth, shooting accusations at each other. Not solving anything. Alice said some really cruel things- Bella did too, I was disappointed in her. I understood to an extent, but still… her vision was clouded with anger right now. She couldn't see how hurt Alice was by everything, she was too busy being hurt and angry herself. I really was upset over Alice's actions as well. I knew how hurt she was and I sympathized with her completely, but there was a time and a place for everything. And Alice had picked the worst time and place to tell Jasper the woman he was in love with was leaving him for another man.

I wanted to shake them both- and I'm not a violent person, but when Alice yelled out, "Nothing is _ever_ your fault Bella! You're the most selfish person I've ever-"I opened my mouth to say something. Again, I was cut off. Charlie put his foot down and inserted himself into the yelling match. Both girls did as he said and sat at the table, but I stayed locked in what I was about to say.

How could Alice say that? Honestly? Bella left town, to try and keep herself from falling apart. No one should judge her for that, and I sure as heck wouldn't. I did the same thing. Bella stayed out of contact with them both, to try to give them the space that Rosalie had spat out they needed and to try to pull herself back together. Again, I wouldn't begrudge her that; I stayed out of contact for two years. Only after reading Alice's letter did Bella call. And she was calling _Alice._ It wasn't Bella's fault that Jasper answered. And from what I understood, she fought him on the phone, trying to make him see that he was wrong before he wore her down. Bella sent him back. Maybe she didn't send him back to Alice, but she didn't keep him there, away from his friends and family and everyone else important in his life. Bella came, when he needed her. Even though she was just then getting her life back in order from the shit-storm that Jasper had caused in it. Bella did nothing to receive this anger from Alice. Not _this_ anger.

This anger was misplaced and wrong. It isn't Bella's fault that this awful event took place, and if Alice would listen for one minute then Bella would tell her that she just didn't want Jasper to hurt anymore than he already was.

Charlie asked Alice to start and she told all of us of a person that was at the Whitlock house today- one that she wasn't happy about being there. When asked further, she admitted that Jasper had cheated on her- and not with Bella.

So there was someone before Bella that he felt the need to 'share' himself with? Well that by no means was Bella's fault! That was all on her husband and his inability to stick to one woman!

Charlie scolded Alice for not minding her own business and Alice looked properly chagrined. Before she broke out in tears again, that is. I didn't feel sorry for her anymore though. I couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't even feel anger toward Bella for her unexpected cruelty toward Alice earlier. In my opinion, Alice had completely misplaced her anger. She'd been upset with Jasper and out to hurt him in any way possible. That was why she opened her mouth and spilled about Edward.

I was seething, I'd never been so angry with someone! I turned to Edward and found him in the same boat as me. His eyes were tight as was his mouth. Every feature of his face pulled and strained. The most telling of his current emotions were his hands though, they were gripped together in front of him and clasped so tight, the white was spreading from the knuckles through to the rest of his hand with the pressure. I wanted to reach out for him but found myself turning to Bella instead. Why wasn't she touching him? This is what they've been waiting for- you'd think she would have curled in to him by now. That's… odd…

"Bella dear," Esme's gentle voice broke the silence. "Did you and Jasper talk?"

And so began Bella's interrogation. It didn't last long but we knew that it had gone worse that Bella let on to us. When she told us that he'd flipped off his sister and stormed out, I wanted so bad to reach for her. To show her that it would be okay. I could tell that Edward was itching to do so as well, for the life of me, I don't know why he hadn't.

"You told Rose?" Alice gasped. I had to fight not to roll my eyes. Of course she would be upset about any of the Whitlock's thinking badly of her for telling. She reminded me of a petulant child.

"No! You told Rose!" Bella had popped her head back up from her observation of the table top, "About me and Edward! Could you keep anything to yourself?"

Now, in my defense, there are very few times in my life that my mouth speaks without me telling it to. But the first thought that ran through my head at Bella's question was: Obviously she can't keep a man to herself. Horrible, I know- I try not to think things like that, really I do. But then another thought went through my head just as fast, Alice has spilled secrets to Rose about Bella. Alice has spilled secrets to _Angela_ abut Bella. Alice has spilled secrets to Jasper about Bella. So obviously she can't keep anything to herself.

Try as I might, the comment came out anyway, "Apparently not."

I thought it came out quietly, and I was grateful. I didn't like being hateful, and tried to always keep my opinions to myself. My cheeks blushed and my breath caught when Alice spat, "What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean, _Tanya?"_

I immediately made to apologize, but again, I was cut off. By Bella this time, "Hey! Leave her out of this!"

Alice went back to the insulting, this time about me and Edward and I could see his fingers clench tighter when her hand came in to contact with his arm. He wanted to say something, you could tell. Charlie stepped in again, this time getting after me as well. I apologized quickly and found myself wanting to crawl in to a hole because of my outburst.

I felt a hand grab mine and raised my eyes to meet Bella's. She was looking at me with such a warm, caring expression, asking if I was okay. I smiled, slightly and nodded to let her know I was. And I was, she had consoled me that easily. I had a flash forward moment, to when we all went back to Jacksonville. I couldn't wait to spend more time with her and I knew how happy she and Edward were together. She was the most accepting person, save Esme that I'd met since moving there. Well, and Edward, but he doesn't count.

I was brought back to the present by Charlie saying he would put an APB out for Jasper. I jerked my head to Esme and she mouthed, 'everything's fine,' to me. She knew I was in my own little world, thank god for her observational skills. I heard Edward ask Bella if she was okay and turned my head back to look at them.

They still weren't touching. I didn't know what was going on and Bella had shut her eyes and thus her emotions off from Edward. He didn't know what was going on with her either. The strain of the situation was seriously starting to wear on him. The helpless expression on his face was almost too much to bear. I wanted to help him and I was, quite honestly, a little pissed at Bella for not offering him anything more than a nod. He needed her too. She needed to realize that.

I think tonight Bella and I are going to have a little talk.

Alice piped up again; I tuned her out for the most part. I had come to find in the past hour that she truly was a childish individual. I found myself dreading the next round of argument that was sure to ensue.

But then she said, "Wait! Wait a minute! You were going to tell him? You really weren't doing that chickenshit thing?"

My brows furrowed, what was she talking about? I turned to Bella and found her with the same expression. Bella came to the realization before I did though, I didn't come to it until after Bella said, "You thought I wasn't going to tell him?"

I realized then. When had we had time to tell Alice of Bella's true intentions here? We hadn't. Every night that had been spent staying up late was spent doing girly things to keep our minds off of the situation. We hadn't spoken of Jasper at all and you could tell when the conversation veered toward him _at all,_ the tension would get thick. None of the three of us wanted that so we avoided it. I gasped at Alice's not having the knowledge and immediately sympathized with her again.

What a rollercoaster of emotions tonight- and I'm just a bystander. I can't imagine what Alice, Bella, and Edward are going through.

Alice couldn't finish answering Bella though. All of a sudden there was a loud knock from the front door. We turned and looked between the five of us, matching expressions of confusion on all of our faces.

Charlie came back through the kitchen on his way to the door, pausing to ask us, "Are we expecting anyone?"

We all shook our heads at him and I turned to find a worried expression on Edward's face.

Jasper's drunken voice yelled through the door, "Bell! Please Bell! I'm so fucking sorry! Please talk to me! Bell!"

I sighed, it was going to be a _long_ night.


	2. Alternate Ending

**Disclaimer: Bella, Jasper, Edward and all things that exist in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer. She's just nice enough to let us play with them!**

**So... here is the promised alternate ending to the story. For all those who were actually rooting for Bella and Jasper, I hope I don't disappoint. Some things have changed, those that have will be explained straight away, but you'll notice them when you read them. Thanks for sticking through with me all of you. It means so much!**

**I totally forgot to put this in here... geez. NZTwilighter, les16, beausoir... you guys are the best, and thank you all for pre-reading this monster for me. You ladies are getting major hugs. And maybe cupcakes. IDK IDK**

* * *

Cowboy take me away,  
Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue,  
Set me free oh I pray,  
Closer to heaven above and closer to you,  
Closer to you.

-Cowboy Take Me Away, Dixie Chicks

Whoever the hell it was that said you can't go home again, is a goddamn liar. Two years and six months almost to the date I said goodbye to Forks, Washington–I passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign in my rented U-Haul truck… to move back. At least I wasn't moving back in to my _father's _house–I might have had to shoot myself in the head if that were the case. I mean, I love my father, but… that's a little too much, even for me. My last few visits with Charlie had been him coming to me, as my attitude about returning to Forks, even for a visit was without a doubt, a resounding _hell no._ The last time that I was here I broke up with one man, and _tried _to break up with another–both I had loved fiercely–and lost my best friend.

Alice and I haven't talked since the week after Peter's funeral, when I showed up to her door and found a half-naked man behind it. We said all that there was to say apparently, because she didn't want to talk to me, and I have accepted that. I wonder to myself about her, from time to time… and how she came to be that woman that had yelled such awful things at me, and didn't bother to tell me goodbye.

I miss her–she always played such a big part in my life, but whenever I think of that night, and begin to remember all of the times growing up that Alice hadn't been able to keep her mouth shut in regards to me… well it makes it easier to deal with her non-forgiving, non-existent presence in my life. I guess it's easier that we haven't talked–I've yet to find it in myself to forgive her, either. I still understand that she'd been betrayed–in the worst way possible–by me and Jasper. Her best friend and her husband hooking up? Well, Jasper put it best–that's what Jerry Springer is made from.

Edward and I only lasted through the friendship that we promised ourselves. I try hard not to think about him because he broke my heart. After all we'd been through–he finally admitted to me that he loved Tanya more than he wanted to admit. And as much sexual chemistry as we had…as much as he wanted to love me like I wanted and needed him to…he loved her. He apologized, again and again, for putting me through what he had and in the end…I decided that Edward Cullen was part of the punishment that God chose to give me for what I'd done to Jasper and Alice. At least, I hope so–and that God has chosen to forgive me, now.

I bit the bullet not long after returning to Jacksonville. I applied for any teaching position that was available and in a moment of clarity, and with a little help from Esme Cullen–before her son decided he didn't want to be with me–I landed a job at the Jacksonville Daily News. It was a much better paying job than what I had at Cul de Sac. I was a copy editor–which wasn't writing, but a hell of a lot closer to it than I had been. I liked my job there and I'd been sad to say goodbye to it. When my book was published, I bid goodbye to the friends I'd made at the newspaper to pursue my book career with my whole heart. Of course, everyone understood–and it was actually _easier_ to leave the newspaper (where I'd worked for over a year) than it was to leave Cul de Sac (where I'd worked for less than half a year.)

Angela was gracious about my exit, though she didn't understand why Edward and I were suddenly not speaking after only a few months of friendship. I never tried to justify my actions to her, either. I loved Edward, but it hurt to be around him and things that reminded me of him–I just couldn't be there anymore. I was still of the mindset that I would lose her and Ben, when I decided I couldn't remain friends with Edward. She understood about my leaving, but she badgered me relentlessly about why Edward and I weren't together. I finally snapped and told her Tanya's story, and that I felt those two belonged together. She was mortified that she had treated Tanya the way she had, and even more upset that she agreed with me–they did belong together.

Ben was amicable about it; trying on his therapist pants and taking off the friend gloves. He told me I was suffering from a broken heart and as much as he wanted to remain friends with me, he felt I should find a new therapist. Edward wasn't just his brother–he was his best friend, and he didn't feel comfortable trying to nurse me through this broken heart. They both promised to keep in touch with me, but I have yet to hear from them since then.

Renee was more of a godsend than anyone else during that time; Phil was good for her. She still rode my ass about finding a man, but she was more laid back about everything. She took care of me, and helped me financially during the transition in pay periods between Cul de Sac and the newspaper. I taught her to cook more than Tuna Noodle Casserole, and she taught me to write. Imagine that, I went to college for four years only to learn from my mother how to do what I really wanted to. She taught me how to use my imagination and just…_let go–_it was the most fun I'd had in a very long time. Because of her help, I've just sold my first book. It's a cheesy romance novel, but eh…its money for doing what I want to do. And it's not under my real name, so when I decide to write something with a little more… _substance_, my career won't be hindered in any way. Of course, real name or not–Charlie told one person in Forks, (his excuse was that he was proud of his daughter) and now the whole town knows. I'm _so_ looking forward to moving home.

Rose was another constant. She refused to let go of our friendship, and for that I'm incredibly grateful. She's been so understanding about everything, and has always been there when I needed a friend to talk to. I've been able to be there for her too, whenever she just wanted to vent about anything and everything. Rose is my best friend these days–my only friend, it felt like.

One exciting thing about moving back to Forks? Rose is pregnant, and I will be able to be there for her, to help with whatever she might need. I'm excited for her; she's the first of anyone I know who is my age to have a baby, and it's something she has wanted for so long. It isn't that she's really had any problems _getting_ pregnant; it's that she and Emmett talked about it years ago, and they decided they would wait until they were completely and independently financially able, to think about having children. Earlier this year, Emmett's mechanic shop finally paid back the bank loan in full what was borrowed to open the shop in the first place. With the help of Jacob and his superior skills, the shop, located in Port Angeles, for more business, was booming. They have built quite the reputation as being honest and fair, and it's paying off.

Jasper hasn't really been a sore subject between the two of us, but his presence in our conversations is always there and somehow completely absent at once. After he had shown up at the convenience store, while I was leaving Forks…and he so politely and quietly asked if he could keep in touch…I've never heard from him again. I know that I will run into him here, but I'm reluctant to ask Rose anything to prepare myself for the inevitable. She doesn't ever bring him up, either–short of saying that he was somewhere with their Momma, or that he and Emmett were off doing something. I'm grateful for that–it was hard to talk about him, and I think Rose knows that. I brought any pain upon myself, since I broke his heart and refused his marriage proposal…but I know that my reprieve is coming to an end. In a town as small as Forks, well, there's just no way that I won't see him.

It is my writing that eventually led me to move back to Forks. I have, admittedly, been homesick the entire time I've lived in Jacksonville. Sure, the city is beautiful and the beaches are peaceful…but there's something always so lonely about all of it for me. I miss the sound of the rain keeping me company, and the trees surrounding me and making me feel safe and loved. I miss the ocean from La Push, with the fog cover constantly blurring an unmarred surface…and the absence of sun, which, quite honestly doesn't offer me any warmth. I'll take flannel shirts and snow boots over a sunny day, anytime–I just had to live somewhere else to realize it. When my editor suggested I consider a change of scenery because I hit a rough spot in my next book, it took me less than a second to agree with her.

So now here I am–back where it all began.

Emmett's Jeep is already parked in front of my new house, and I laugh as Rosalie waddles out squealing my name the whole way. I've missed her; she and Emmett came to visit me a few months ago, but I'm glad I'll be able to see her every day now. I jump out as Emmett sets forth unhooking the car dolly attached to the back. Immediately, Rose's arms close around me and we're crying into each other.

Jake shows up a little while later, with Seth and Leah, and between the five of us (with Rose supervising) we have everything unloaded from the truck quickly. Seth assures me he'll return the U-Haul as he tells me goodbye, and Jake and Leah follow close behind him. I hug Rose and Emmett bye for the night, and settle in to get as much unpacked as possible. I know from experience, this time, to start with the bathroom and bedroom–I have no doubt I'll get very far tonight.

I'm right because two hours later, I'm _exhausted–_and hungry. I actually feel faint from hunger, so I stop and look at the clock. Seven-thirty–just enough time to get an order from the diner before they close. Grabbing up my purse, keys, and phone, I haul ass to the only diner in town.

Thank God, it's deserted. I feel bad enough that I'm going to impose an order on them at this hour–they're cleaning up and getting ready to close at eight. My hunger pains and stomach growling keep me from being too upset at how rude I'm being, though.

"Hey there, Bella." Jessica Stanley, _ugh._ I think Rose said something about her working here. I should have paid better attention. "I heard you were back! I read your book! It was so–"

But I'm not listening anymore. Just smiling and nodding like I normally do when I'm annoyed, but too nice to say anything. _And, I really didn't want her to spit on my food._ I try to look at the menu behind her without alerting her to the fact that I'm really not paying attention.

"And then Mike said that I was crazy! Which is, like, ridiculous! He's crazy! He had to be to sleep with _Lauren!"_

Oh wow, Rose didn't tell me that. Lauren was Jessica's best friend in high school. _Huh, Bella, think real hard on why Rose wouldn't tell you that._

"–Jasper. I heard that he was dating some girl from Seattle, but I've never seen him with her–"

My ears perk up at his name. Like I said, Rose hasn't offered up information about him, and I'm ashamed to say I 'm _more than curious._ Well, that's good. He has a girlfriend. Good on him. Right? Right.

_Yeah. Right. _

Ugh. It's like the mere mention of him makes me act like a teenager all over again! I haven't really thought of him…much, in the past two years. I try not to think of him and his charming smile and voice and blue eyes and blonde hair and gorgeous body and–

"Oh! Jasper! I have your order ready! Let me just go get it!"

I sigh. Jessica has yet to take my order. She's been babbling too much and now she's off and there's no telling if I'll get her to–

_Jasper! She said Jasper!_

My eyes close as my face bursts red from my _pores._ _Please, please, please, tell me he's not standing behind me…_

Slowly, I turn around and sure enough–there he is. He looks exactly the same and different all at once. He's obviously left work recently; his dress shirt is just a tad rumpled from being under his suit jacket all day, his tie is loose, and his slacks fit him _way too well._ He doesn't look overly exhausted, which is good–I worried that running his father's business might be too much for him. He looks like he's just tired from a day at work. But his complexion is good, and his hair is the same, maybe a shade or two darker than last I'd seen him.

_He looks gorgeous._

And he's alone. Jessica said she'd never seen him with his girlfriend–I wondered why. He was looking down at his phone and texting, smiling at whatever he was typing.

"Hey," I say quietly, and only because I couldn't think of anything better to say…and I'm not brave enough to say what I really want to. _I really want to know who he's texting._ Oh, and, that is also none of my fucking business.

But his head pops up and his eyes widen; _my smile _makes its way onto his face and he breathes out, "Bell?"

I smile in return. "In the flesh."

"Holy–" He pockets his phone as he shakes his head lightly. "Holy shit!"

He has me wrapped in a hug before I even know it, and I breathe in the scent of him. He smells the same–like sandalwood and salt and sex and…he still smells like home. I breathe in deep before pulling back, and grinning at him. "Working on a Saturday? For shame!"

"Yeah, well," he grumbles. He's grinning at me too, and my heart is doing that sputtering thing again that it hasn't done in so long. I thought it wouldn't ever do it again... until just now. "What are you doing here? I mean–shit, sorry. In Forks, in Forks Diner, in–Rose didn't tell me you were coming to visit and–"

I laugh, cutting him off. "You're rambling. That's supposed to be my job."

He blushes. _Jasper_ blushes and looks down, shifting his feet slightly. He says, "Yeah, well, I haven't seen you in a really long time."

I reach out and grab one of his hands. "Yeah. It's been two years now, huh? You could have called, you know." He nods and looks down at our hands as he clasps my fingers with his. He raises his eyes to mine and grins sheepishly–he's going to apologize for not calling. I can't let him, so I tell him, "I moved back. Today–I mean. It's my first day back. That's probably why Rose hasn't told you. She said she didn't want to jinx it." I laugh at Rose and her ridiculous superstitions.

His smile widens. "Yeah, she's getting all paranoid in her old age." Jasper steps a half a step closer to me and whispers, "I'm so happy to see you."

It's my turn to blush. "Yeah, me too. It's really nice to see you, too."

He stares for a beat longer, biting his bottom lip in concentration before asking, "So, how's Edward?"

I disguise the hurt at hearing his name with a cough and look down. Still, almost two years after seeing him, it still hurts to hear his name. "Um… I don't know? I mean, I saw when his wedding announcement ran in the paper–but I haven't talked to him."

"What? I thought–"

"Jasper, here's your order!" Jessica rudely interrupts. "I made sure they put extra gravy in for you." She winks at him.

_Bitch._ _I think I just threw up in my mouth a little, too._

Jasper clears his throat and smiles at her, though it doesn't look genuine. "Thanks, Jess."

He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket to pay her and turns his head to the side to look at me. "I was just about to head over to Rose's house. Did you want to come?"

"Oh, I was just going to get an order to go and–"

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Bella! They just closed the kitchen down!"

_Bitch!_

I sigh, and force a smile in her general direction. "Or I'm just gonna run and get a candy bar and shower and go to sleep. I was in Baker City, Oregon this morning–I'd like to go to sleep soon, or I'd take you up on the offer."

He smiles. "You sure? There's plenty…Rose has been craving fried chicken, so we get her a lot."

I gasp. "Jasper Whitlock! You're making your pregnant sister eat Fork's Diner fried chicken? You know you should make her some yourself!"

He has the decency to look embarrassed. "Well, that was the plan. But, I got sidetracked at work. Seriously, it's no problem–I was just texting her. I know she'd be happy to have you over."

"Maybe some other night? When I'm not quite so ready to drop?"

He nods. "Definitely."

We stand there, semi-awkwardly as I ponder a proper farewell. We hugged hello... should we hug goodbye? Should I give him my address? Did he even _want_ my address? Probably not.

He solves my problem for me though, reaching a hand out and pulling me into a one-armed hug. He whispers, "See you soon?"

I nod, and blush again at his closeness. I'm shocked to say the least–I didn't think I would still have this reaction to Jasper; it's been two years, like I said. But still…I react like a 12-year-old little girl, blushing and giggling at her crush. He turns and smiles and waves one last time before exiting the diner, and letting me breathe again.

"He's still dreamy," Jessica says, sighing. Her voice reminds me how pissed I am that she talked when I could have been placing an order. I turn, ready to tell her off when she goes and tells me, "It's too bad about him and Alice. Aren't you happy for her, though? That Italian guy she married is _gorgeous."_

_Huh?_

"What? What Italian dude?"

"You don't know?" Jessica gasps. Inwardly, I roll my eyes, wishing I hadn't said anything. Rose will be able to tell me, after all. "Demetri Volterra! You know–Aro Volterra? The famous designer? Alice married his son! I can't _believe_ you didn't know that! I thought you and her–" and I stop paying attention, again. Demetri, huh? Makes sense–the whole him answering the door in nothing but a towel. Well, good for Alice. Surely with a designer label owning father-in-law, she's designing clothes–something she always wanted to do.

I was happy for her.

* * *

One day and many pots of coffee later, I'm cooking on my brand-new state of the art stove. Rose insisted on getting me a housewarming gift, and she knows how much I love cooking. I told her she just wanted me to cook for _her._ She didn't bother to deny it. I've just unpacked the last of my boxes and broken them down to recycle, but silently thank Rose-this stove is fucking awesome! The roast I put on earlier–and am now adding vegetables to, smells heavenly. And unlike the stove in the apartment I lived in for the past two years, this one is cooking the whole thing evenly and nothing is burning for once.

I think about what I want to write next when I'm finished. I know where I want the book to go, but for some reason, lately I've been writing everything out of order. The part I need to get past just doesn't come out right and I'm frustrated. A knock at the door brings me out of my musings, and I hurry to answer. I hear Rose's voice–she must have smelled the roast. She only lives two streets over and with her pregnancy hormones, anything is possible.

I open the door to Rose's scowl. "Sorry Bella, he said he saw you at the diner. I hope its okay."

I smile at her before turning to Jasper, willing my blush not to show. "Of course, come in."

Rose sighs in relief before heaving herself onto my sofa. "Thank God. I was fucking sick of listening to him whine."

"I wasn't whining!"

"Mhm, _right._ Hey–is that roast?"

"It's not done! Don't go trying to get a taste, Rose. You'll make yourself sick," I chide.

"Oh, hush. Damn, I need to pee again, help me up," she complains. I laugh as she glares, but I still help her up off of the sofa. She mouths 'bitch' to me as she waddles her way out of the room.

Jasper clears his throat, calling my attention to him, because I needed another reminder of his presence. I try to play it cool though by raising an eyebrow, and snarking, "Missed me bad, huh?" I'm teasing; I hope he hasn't forgotten the tones of my voice.

He smiles. "You know it, darlin'." His eyes wander, flitting over the furniture and knick-knacks of my new house before settling back on me. "You don't have any pictures."

I look down, blushing. "Uh, no. Most of my pictures had Alice in them and well…"

_Sure, Bella. Use that excuse and see who the hell buys it._

"Yeah," he replies, quietly.

Looking back up, I tell him, "I have some of my Dad and me, and Renee and Phil. They're in my bedroom, though. I just uh…decided not to put any out here."

He nods. Grinning, he asks, "And the pictures of me? Don't like looking at my ugly mug, huh?"

His tone is teasing but I can hear the underlying tension. "I still have them. They're in a box, in my closet. Along with other things."

Other things being a t-shirt he left in Jacksonville after he visited. I hadn't found it until two months after his father's funeral, but I still cried like a baby when I did. And the letter. The letter he wrote to me and sent with the Jane Austen First Edition that he and Alice brought back from their honeymoon for me. The letter is still sealed tight–I've never been able to bring myself to read it. The book was sealed tight and put away in the box, too. I can't look at it without being bombarded by unpleasant memories, so I decided that it would be best to lock it up with all things Jasper Whitlock. Well, Renee decided, but that's beside the point.

A smile cracks on his face. "You have a Jasper box?"

_Cue blush._

"Uh…"

"That's really sorta cute, Bell."

My blush darkens, and I can't meet his eyes. "It is not. I just…didn't want to throw any of it away–that would be so…"

"Final?" He whispers.

_No, not final, just... wrong._

I push that voice away and nod as I try to keep my voice from shaking when I agree with him. The atmosphere has turned tense and I don't know how to dispel it.

He clears his throat and asks, "Is it… I mean… Can I ask…what happened with Edward?"

I sigh and close my eyes. I _hated_ thinking about Edward. I avoid it at all costs. I still love him, very much, but... When I saw the announcement come through saying that he and Tanya married–at last…well there was no doubt in my mind that he was happy. Those two are made for each other, and honestly, I'm happy for them. Any hurt that still lingers is met with my firm reminder of the fact that I did it to myself.

"Nothing? I mean, things just... We didn't… I uh… He married Tanya earlier this year."

"What? I thought they were just…friends. I was sure that you two…" I shake my head, reopening my eyes and focusing on Jasper's face. "_Why? _I mean, what happened?_"_

And thank God I don't have to answer that. Rose waddles back out from the bathroom, and begs me for a Coke. I use the opportunity to escape the room and the tension.

When I re-enter the room, Rose is smiling. It doesn't seem as if she's picked up on anything from Jasper, which makes me hope he's okay, and not still thinking about Edward and questions.

She takes a long swig and sighs before asking, "So when's that roast gonna be done? I'm fucking starving."

I roll my eyes at her, but smile as soon as she couldn't see it–I'm so happy to be able to do something for her. "You sure you don't want some fried chicken? We could always send Jasper here to the grocery store for some _and_ we could make him cook it."

I heard Jasper mutter 'dammit' under his breath as Rose gasps and nods, vigorously. "That's a great idea!"

And I successfully avoid the conversation I don't want to have, anyway.

* * *

"Fucking small town grocery stores…" I mutter as I try to push my basket past Mrs. Cope, and hope she doesn't recognize me. The probability is good that she won't even see me–her glasses are like an inch thicker than they had been when I attended Forks High School, where she was the attendance office clerk. I really don't want to get roped into a 'catch up with each other and tell your lovely father I said hello I bet he's so glad you're back' conversation with her. If the aisles in this godforsaken grocery store were just a _teeny-tiny_ bit wider, I wouldn't have to worry. But–no, it's hard enough to fit one basket per aisle; to pass someone would be almost unheard of.

Apparently she's gone deaf in her old age, too. You could say 'shit' in the bathroom on the other end of campus, and she'd hear you when I was in school. Oh, and she'd then drag you to the principal's office. Testing her, I mumble, "Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck."

Yep, nothing. She's–

"She doesn't have her hearing aids in."

I squeal and my heart pounds and my fingers and toes go numb and my eyes go wide as my head whips around, causing pieces of my hair to swipe Jasper right in the face. "Are you stalking me?" I gasp, trying to regain my composure.

He only grins. Probably at my fire engine red face. "Nah. I figured I'd let you stay for at least a week before I started stalking you."

I roll my eyes. "I've been back for two weeks."

He fakes a gasp. "Damn! Then yes–I'm stalking you."

Grinning, I ask, "So, uh…mind telling me how you know so much about Mrs. Cope and her hearing aids?"

He grins back before telling me, "Don't make fun. She's quite the catch, you know."

I laugh. "You and Shelley Cope? Really? _Hot."_

He winks at me. "You know it. So, what the hell are you doing at this grocery store–they don't have shit here, ya know. You _should _be shopping in Port A. They have like…two Safeway's and shit."

"I could ask you the same thing, ya know." I glance pointedly at the hand basket he was carrying, full of groceries. "What are _you_ doing at this grocery store?"

"Stalking you," he quips before moving past me. His grin is infectious–my own is threatening to split my face in two. "What are you doing this weekend? We're going over to Momma's and cooking out–it's supposed to be nice."

"Yeah, I heard that," I mumble. _Did he just ask me out? What about his girlfriend? I am not going down this road again._ "Think I'll pass. Your girlfriend probably wouldn't like one of your ex's being there anyway–you should be more considerate–"

"What?" His head whips around to look at my face, his eyes widening as he does so. "What girlfriend?"

My brows furrow. _Jessica is a gossip, but she almost always has her stories straight…_ "Uh, Jessica said that you were seeing some girl in Seattle?"

He laughs. "Jealous?"

I roll my eyes. _Of course I was jealous–I just didn't really have the right to be…_ "Uh–no. I was just saying…"

Jasper smirks at me, calling my attention to his lips. _God, he's sexy. _"Well, Jessica's story is old. I was dating someone from Seattle, but we haven't been seeing each other for about three months."

"Oh," I reply quietly. _Why does it bother me so much?_ "What happened?"

"How 'bout this? When you decide to finally tell me what happened with you and Edward…then I'll tell you why I'm not seeing Lucy anymore."

"Lucy?" _I wish I would just shut-up!_ "Sorry–that's really none of my business."

"Nah, its cool darlin'. So, you should come. Saturday. If you want–but I'm grilling…and I'm damn good at it. So, yeah."

I laugh. "Cocky asshole."

"You know it."

Looks like Ill be attending a damn cook-out on Saturday. I can't miss Jasper's grilling, after all.

_At least, that's the reason I gave myself._

Rose squeals when I call to tell her I'll be at the cook-out on Saturday. She begs me to bring a peach cobbler–I made her one when she came to visit me in Jacksonville once, and ever since she pretty much whines until I give in and make her one. I tell her I will, and then prepare myself for whatever she's going to say next. She had let out a big sigh and I know from experience, with Rose…sighs like that usually lead to serious discussions.

"So…Jasper is pretty excited that you're back…" she trails off. I know what she's doing–she's trying to feel me out, see how comfortable I _actually_ am with talking about her brother.

_And I won't mention that my first reaction to her statement was to squeal like that 12 year old…_

"Um…yeah? I mean, he's been really nice whenever I see him."

She laughs, lightly. "Yeah. And I think you're kind of dense, Bella. He's not being _nice._ He's flirting with you." _Nuh-uh! He so wasn't flirting with me! Right?_ "Has it been so long since someone has flirted with you that you've forgotten?"

"He hasn't been _flirting_ with me! I mean, he's just being friendly. Right? Why would he flirt with me? That's absurd, Rose! I broke up with him–he probably has to _force_ himself to be nice to me–"

"Bella! _Shut-up!_ Oh my gosh." She mutters something that sounds entirely too much like 'crazy bitch' under her breath. I want to protest but she cuts me off. "He's never really gotten over you, Bella. Just…think about that, okay? I gotta go–Emmett's home. I'll talk to you later."

And then she hangs up on me. I huff in frustration and when I get over being mad that Rose hung up on me, I think about what she said.

_He's never really gotten over you, Bella._

But…that couldn't be true, could it? I mean, Edward claimed to love me–that he would love me forever, and he obviously got over me. Jasper…well, he dated. He said so himself–some woman named Lucy. So, Rose had to be wrong…right?

I mean, you don't date when you're not over someone. I'm not over either one of them, apparently. I haven't been on a date since Jasper took me out in Jacksonville. I've been asked out, but every time someone would ask, I would find myself comparing them to Edward and sometimes–Jasper. It was completely unintentional when it would happen, and I was surprised when the comparison would shift from Edward to Jasper in my head. So much so, that the man must have thought I was semi-retarded. My face just went blank, remembering things about Jasper Whitlock that I hadn't thought of in _years._ He ducked out of the date without waiting for an answer from me, and it wasn't until after he'd hightailed it away from me that I realized I had spaced out. That was two months ago–I remember. It was right after I made the decision to move back to Forks, and I was in the process of getting my affairs in order. I chalked up my slip to that.

Ultimately, Jasper _had_ to be over me. There have been too many days and weeks and months and years and _states _between us since our break for him to still feel anything for me. Rose has to be wrong. Right?

I try to ignore the fluttering in my chest at the thought of Jasper, and set forth to rolling out the dough for Rose's cobbler.

* * *

Saturday ended up being just as nice as the weatherman predicted. It's late September, and we all know it will be one of the last warm days of the year. All the houses up and down my street are preparing for the cold–and it is chilly already. But, today, the sun is high, and the wind is being cooperative, for once–it's nice. I load up the two cobblers I've made, and briefly think about stopping by Newton's on the way home; I need to get my house ready for the cold, too.

_And I'm trying not to think about Jasper._

But that's really all I have been able to do since talking to Rose. I even catch myself typing his name in place of the dashing young man named Laurent, the leading male character in my new book. It's damn near impossible for my mind to not wander to Jasper whenever I'm idle, and now it's almost as impossible when my mind is busy. He's just _there_–always present in my mind, and I want to slap Rose for putting the thought there in the first place.

Also, I'm incredibly nervous to see Charlotte. She's another person I haven't seen since the day of her husband's funeral. Rose talks about her often, and has said she's doing really good and doesn't hold any ill will toward me, but still… I know I've no reason to doubt Rose–she's never been one to creep around a subject, however, I wonder how much of what she's saying is how Charlotte really feels, or what Charlotte wants Rose to see considering that we're still friends.

I pull in behind Emmett's Jeep and notice Jasper's truck is already here, as well. There are a couple of other cars, I don't recognize them though and I don't pay them much attention as I make my way to the front door. It opens before I make it the whole way and there's Charlotte, grinning at me.

"There you are, sugar! My Rose told me you'd be coming today. Can I just go on and tell you that I'm tickled pink?" She laughs and pulls me into a hug as I try to keep the smile on my face under control. I feel the tears prickling in my eyes and hope like hell I don't become a blubbering mess on this woman's shoulders. Charlotte pulls back and whispers, "Give me one of those tubs of cobbler–I'm hiding it from Rosalie. Don't tell her though, sugar!"

I laugh as she winks at me and hand her the cobbler before following her into the house. She tells me everyone is outside already and that I darn well know my way around her house–to make myself at home. I smile and thank her and make my way outside. The first person I see is Rose–she's so big you can't miss her, but I will _never_ tell her that. The bright pink summer dress she's wearing might have had something to with it, too. Emmett is next to her, and they're talking with another couple–I don't know who they are. There are three children, running around with water guns and shooting each other as a young teenage girl runs after them telling them to stop. I don't know any of them either, and I am beginning to wonder why the hell I'm here when I see Jasper.

He literally takes my breath away. He's wearing his requisite jeans, pearl-snap shirt and cowboy boots…but he has his shirt unsnapped, and the white wife beater underneath is displaying his muscular (he's bigger than he was the last time I saw this much of his skin) chest is in plain sight. His hair looks lighter with the sun shining down on him, and the blue from his shirt is making his eyes look blue–they're sparkling. The grin on his face is genuine and happy and I want to kiss him.

_Wait, what? You don't think about kissing Jasper Whitlock anymore, Bella!_

And I don't–or I haven't. Okay, that's a lie. I've been thinking about kissing him ever since talking to Rose the other day, and that frustrates me all the more. My eyes follow his hand as he sits it on the shoulder of the young girl next to him.

My face pulls into a grimace without my permission. I don't like seeing him touch another woman. And though she looks rather young, it's impossible to know her age for sure. She's pretty–with light brown hair and blue eyes, a trim little physique she isn't ashamed or afraid to show off. She's obviously flirting with him, and I have to literally stop myself from walking over there and punching her in her stupid little pink mouth.

I huff, surprised at myself. I haven't been jealous of anyone in a very long time. The last time I remember being actually physically and emotionally jealous was with Edward and Tanya. Before that, it was Jasper and Alice. Same man, same reaction.

Huh.

I wonder if anyone will be upset if I just nudge her away from him. Now that I look, he actually seems a little annoyed.

_No, he doesn't. He looks pretty damn content to sit there and flirt with her._

I huff again–that damn inner voice is right. I need to just ignore the two of them, and my silly reaction to seeing Jasper do exactly what I wanted him to…move on.

"Gosh, Bella! It took you forever to get here–is that my cobbler?" Jasper's head snaps toward me at Rose's loud greeting, and _my smile_ pops onto his face at the sight of me. It dims a little when he sees the, probably, nasty looking face I'm pulling, so I work to clear my expression fast.

Blushing, I tell Rose, "Yeah. Your Momma stole the other one."

Rose gasps. "You made me two? Oh my goodness, I love you," she exclaims before pulling me into a tight hug. Well, as tight as she can with as big as her belly is. "C'mon you gotta meet our friends."

She introduces me to the other couple that are there. Apparently, they own a record store in Port Angeles, close to Emmett's shop, and the four of them have become good friends. His name is Eleazar and his wife is Carmen. The children running around are theirs. The three youngest are Irina, Riley, and Liam. The teenage girl running after them is their oldest daughter, Kate, and the one flirting with Jasper is her friend, Bree.

_So the bitch has a name. _

Carmen and Eleazar are nice enough; I can see why Rose and Emmett like them. They're laid-back and kind people, though their children are certainly a handful. I feel sorry for Kate; she's being run ragged by the three younger children. I'm told Kate is seventeen, and Bree is eighteen and that Bree is there to help Kate watch the kids.

_That might be hard to do with the way she's trying to charm her way into Jasper's pants._

I can't bring myself to look his way again, not while I know she's over there and he obviously likes the attention. I keep having to check myself because regardless of whether my jealousy is justified…that is a teenage girl, and I can't go beating up a teenager. Just imagine what my father would say.

We sit and visit for a long time, and eventually Charlotte leads the three kids inside for a treat. She winks at Carmen on the way in and promises not to ruin their appetites. Carmen laughs and asks her if she wants to keep them–they minded Charlotte with no questions asked. That allows Kate to finally come sit down and I watch, amused, as she drags a protesting Bree along with her.

Rose leans into me and whispers, "You should go over and say 'hi' to him. He was looking forward to you coming today."

I turn and look at her, finding her eyebrow raised in a classic Rose 'do as I say' expression. I sigh and nod, making my way slowly over to Jasper.

The smell coming from the grill is heavenly and much to my embarrassment, my stomach agrees with me. As soon as I am in hearing range of Jasper it growls. Loudly.

_So much for a smooth entrance._

"Hey there," he drawls, grinning at me. "I was wondering if you were ever gonna come say hi to me."

"You looked busy," I sniff. _Really, Bella? Bitch much?_ I blush and look away from his face, embarrassed by my sour response.

Jasper chuckles. "I wouldn't have minded. Believe me."

I nod but am still unable to meet his eyes. Instead, I choose to look at the meat cooking on the grill. He's certainly made a spread–there are steaks, ribs, and chicken breasts all with nice marks across the top from the bars on the grill. My mouth waters. "Smells good."

"Were you jealous?"

My eyes widen as they pop to meet his. I stutter, "W-what? N-no…no! I wasn't jealous!"

His grin widens. "I don't think I believe you."

"_Jasper!_ That's silly–why would I be jealous?"

He shrugs. "You tell me, Bell."

I huff and his chuckles turn into full on laughs. Looking at him, hearing him laugh…I can't help myself, and find myself laughing with him. I'm sure we probably look crazy but I don't care.

When he calms down, he tells me, "You _really_ don't have any reason to be jealous...if you were so inclined."

I nod, looking away from him again. "Yeah. Made my own bed and all that, I know."

He inhales sharply. "No. That's not what I meant, at all. Bell, I still–"

"Okay! These kids have had their treats! Jasper Wayne! I know that food is done burnin'! Let's eat!" Charlotte yells as she makes her way out of the house with the gaggle of children behind her. I sigh and hear Jasper growl next to me. I raise an eyebrow at him.

He begins taking the food off of the grill, putting it on plates for us to serve ourselves, but stops and asks, "Tonight…can we talk? I'd really like to know what happened, if you're comfortable telling me, but mostly...I just miss you. I'd like to hang out...if you want."

I let out a long breath before smiling slightly at him and nodding. I can tell him what happened. He might not like to hear it, and to bring up old shit but he obviously wants to know. And I don't want secrets between us. We've had enough of that in the past.

The food is delicious as promised, and the conversation even better. I haven't ever really been around the family when they're relaxed and just enjoying each others' presence. In high school, I tried to avoid it; it hurt to be around Jasper and Alice, and Rosalie had never been welcoming. The times spent in this house, aside from the time before and after Peter's funeral had been sporadic and short. A meal here and there but never with the whole family present.

Jasper and Emmett are hilarious with each other. Their jokes maintain a proper level of lewdness–there _a__re_ children present, after all, but I know if they weren't here, the jokes would have been taken to a whole different level. Rose does her best to keep Emmett in check, and one look from Charlotte silences Jasper. The boys are kept in check. It's apparent in everyone's faces and voices though...we're having a blast.

I try not to let it bother me when Bree plants herself firmly beside Jasper. I had been too chicken to claim the spot for myself and now I'm stuck across the table from him, watching her lean in to whisper to him. It's impossible to not let it bother me though, and I'm beginning to admit to myself that maybe I want more from Jasper than I deserve. He doesn't particularly look happy with the seating arrangements himself, and I watch him scoot a few inches away from her from time to time and lean further toward Rose, who is next to him and directly across from me, every time Bree leans into him. I _try_ to hide my smile at that, but know that Rose catches it. She has a small grin in place she keeps shooting toward me.

When we've eaten and visited for a few hours, the wind begins to pick up and we all decide it's a good time to say goodbye. Eleazar and Carmen promise a CD to me I've been after, and I promise to come visit their record store next time I go to Port Angeles for groceries. That earns a chuckle from Jasper, and I roll my eyes at him. We watch as they buckle in their younger kids, and argue with Kate about her driving straight home. I notice Bree is not with them, and turn to find her with her stupid teenage hand resting on Jasper's chest.

She has a flirtatious grin in place, and her eyelashes are batting furiously at him. She's trying to slip him something–I figure it's her phone number. One look at Jasper conveys his discomfort, and I make my decision before I can rationalize it.

My body moves swiftly toward him, and my hands are pulling his face to mine before I can stop myself. His lips meet mine willingly, and his arms surround me immediately. I'm pulled flush against him as my hands find their way into his blond waves. Our lips move together fluidly, slowly, enticingly–they remember each other well. I feel one hand rest on my lower back and pull firmly, keeping me securely against him as his other hand works its way into my hair, tilting my head to the side as his move to the other. I'm pretty sure this isn't a kiss that shouldn't be performed in front of polite company but can't bring myself to care. His lips against mine fill me with lust and want and…_love._

_He kisses me like he still loves me._

A throat clears and I snap out of my lusty-kiss-induced daze. I try to pull back from Jasper, embarrassed by my irrational behavior and afraid of the consequences of my actions. He holds my mouth with his own for one, two, three more chaste kisses before allowing me to pull back and away from him. His head ducks but not before I see the red on the apples of his cheeks. I'm sure they match my own, as well as the pleased, smug grin on his face.

My head turns to find Bree, and for the life of me, I can't stop my mouth. "You might try to find someone your own age, sweetie. This one's taken."

She gasps and huffs, before stomping off and throwing herself into Kate's car. I watch Kate round the front of her car, but she pauses at the driver's side door, taking a deep breath and slipping inside. I see and hear the giggle she lets out though–Bree's flirting obviously annoys her. They drive off, following Eleazar's van and I turn back to Jasper's family.

Emmett looks ready to clap. I'm sure he would have, had he been sure of the situation. Charlotte looks worried, which is understandable seeing how I've broken her son's heart once before. Rose is the only one with a clear expression on her face. Her happy smile and amused eyes answer the question as to what she's thinking. She wants Jasper and me back together. She's already encouraging me to talk to him and spend time with him, and she's happy I've done what I have.

Jasper clears his throat, calling my attention back to him. Quietly, so as only I can hear, he tells me, "I think we should talk now, Bell."

I nod and duck my head, still embarrassed by what I've done. We bid his family goodbye–Rose whispers for me to call her–and I depart to my car, prepared to meet him at his house. He catches me, informing me he's moved and telling me to just follow him. He tells me it's a bit of a drive and asks if I need gas, but I don't and I'm glad we need to drive a little bit.

I have a lot to think about, after all.

* * *

Halfway between Port Angeles and Forks there's a turnoff. I know this turnoff because I've been there once. The camping trip Jake, Alice, Jasper, and I took after graduation, we turned off here and drove another fifteen minutes before we parked Jasper's truck, and hiked off into the woods. I haven't been back since then, and so I'm surprised I remember it as well as I do. But I do remember it and I'm bombarded with memories of a time when things were simpler, cut and dry. I knew with certainty Jasper and Alice would get married and grow old together and I…well, I was going to spend my life trying to get over Jasper Whitlock.

I see Jasper's brake lights bump on as we near the turnoff and slow down with him. When he turns off the highway, I find myself wondering where the heck he's taking me. The road is smoother than it had been in high school. It's almost like someone has leveled it, and I can hear tiny rocks hitting the bottom of my car–it sounds like gravel. We drive past the spot where we parked to hike so long ago, and drive another five minutes before the road becomes curvy. I follow him slowly and when his brake lights come on for the last time, I still almost hit him.

But it's the house that has me preoccupied, this time. We've driven out all this way to the most perfect cabin in the woods ever. I imagine if I could build a house of my own, it would look just like this.

It isn't big, but it isn't small. There is a dark-stained, wooden, covered deck wrapped around the whole of the cabin itself and upon it are four lounge chairs and one swing. Two rocking chairs are visible from here, as well, though they're around the back of the house, facing the cluster-fuck of trees surrounding it. The cabin itself is wood too, a few shades lighter than the deck around it, with floor to ceiling windows, spaced evenly. Light pours from them all, though you can't see inside–the blinds or curtains that hang keep the whole thing somewhat private. There's smoke coming from the chimney peeking over the top of the house, and the smell of wood burning completes the picture.

Jasper knocks on my window, cutting short my observations. I blink and shake my head. Opening my door allows to me see that it _i__s_ gravel we're driving on; the road has been graveled all the way from the highway.

"Jasper," I whisper, but can't find words to accurately portray my feelings at the moment. I look toward the cabin again. The smell from the fireplace is stronger outside of my car and I'm overwhelmed. I can't place why, though. Something about this house and this place is welcoming, and that itself makes me feel uneasy.

"You like it?" He asks me, his tone hushed and unsure.

But I can't speak, can't tell him I _love_ it. Can't tell him how perfect it is. I nod instead, and gape at my surroundings, once again. My eyes find his face again and there's a small smile in place for me. The smile makes me feel better and I venture to ask, "How…? Where…? How…?"

His smile turns to a grin. "Let's go inside. I'll tell you all about it."

My head is nodding again without my permission, and I'm following behind him before I even realize what I'm doing.

_Just once! Just once, I wish my body would wait for me before it decides to do something!_

Upon entry, I find the inside of the cabin is something completely different from the outside. I'm reminded of Esme Cullen's house for a moment, but quickly notice the differences. Like her home, every piece of furniture is mismatched, but like hers too, they all somehow match each other. Everything is light–mostly creams and white fabrics and none of it looks prim or proper in any way. Every piece looks comfortable–a place to curl up on and enjoy the fire and read a book. The fabric looks soft and the cushions are overstuffed and plush-looking. The tables are blonde wood, so blonde they looked white-washed, and the lights leave a glow throughout the room. The floor is finished blonde hardwood, with cream colored shag rugs running under the seats and surfaces. The furniture all resembles something out of a Jane Austen novel-antique and worn, but yet it all has a brand-new feeling as well. This…_this_ room said something to me–it said it was made _for me._

I spin around to face Jasper. The question is on my face even if my lips can't voice it. He turns from me, slowly, and closes the door behind us.

"Do you like it?" Again, unsure and quiet.

"I..." There's a lump in my throat. I can't answer. I don't even know how to answer. Something catches my eye from across the room. The only picture hanging in the whole room. It's a black and white photograph, enlarged and hanging in a beautiful, white-washed frame. My legs carry me to it and my mouth goes dry. It's Jasper and me, on the day I took his guitar from him on our camping trip. The picture is the one Alice snapped, unbeknownst to either of us until later. I can't take my eyes off of it.

_How have I never seen it?_

Jasper's face in the photograph–how many times have I stared at this picture throughout the years? It has been awhile since I've seen it because I threw it away the day of their wedding. Jasper's face…he's looking at me the same way he looked at me when he asked me to marry him. The same way he looked at me when he told me he loved me. The same way he looked at me when he _made love to me._

_He loved me then!_

Realization hits me like a ton of bricks and I begin to hyperventilate. I close my eyes; trying to get myself under control. I can't let him see me like this. _How?_ It's clear as day, right in front of my eyes. _How?_ I had been so _sure_ he loved Alice. _How?_ He told me himself he only realized how he felt about me on the day of his wedding. _How?_ He said he was only _attracted_ to me all that time. _So what the fuck does this mean?_

"You see it?" His voice is still quiet, but now it's certain. He knows what I'm seeing–he's seen it, too. But when? When did he see this? When did he realize?

"Jasper," I whisper. My voice is as shaky as the rest of me. If only I could breathe again. "What…? How…? I need to sit down."

I feel the wind shift when he nods his head. The air becomes thicker. His hand touches my elbow, gently, and he leads me to the sofa.

"You want a drink?" I nod my head because I don't think I'm capable of speech, right now. The questions stirring in my head are creating a sort of buzz, and everything is muddled. There's so much I want to ask him now, but I'm not sure if it's my place anymore and furthermore–I just don't know if he wants to answer anything I have to ask.

A glass comes into my line of vision and I grab it, gulping its contents in one long swig. I faintly hear Jasper's chuckle, and then the glass is gone from my hand as I hear him pour more of whatever is now burning my throat. _Whiskey._ I just took a straight shot of whiskey, I realize. The taste is repugnant and sweet and salty and delicious all at the same time. The catch in my throat is becoming less harsh by the second and I down the second serving just as fast. I don't wait for Jasper to take it from me, this time; I just hold my glass out to his familiar chuckle as he pours me another.

We don't speak for awhile and I have no way of knowing if Jasper is drinking with me, or if he's sitting, staring off into space like me, or if he's looking at me, or anything–I can only focus on the glass in my hand. Admittedly, I'm not looking at the glass–I'm not looking at anything, but my eyes fall to it anyway. When I've finished _sipping_ my fifth glass, I ask him, "Why did you bring me here?"

And then I look at him and my mouth goes dry again. He's giving me the same look he had in the photograph. "Why do you think I brought you here?"

I sigh, shaking my head. "Do we have to do this? Can't you just answer me?"

A smile creeps its way onto his face. "I could ask you the same thing." He holds up one finger to me and pours himself a glass before throwing it back. "I brought you here for many reasons. One: I wanted you to see my house. I've been working on it for a long time. The plans were started as a project in school, but I never _actually_ planned on having it built. Alice wasn't one for living out in the forest."

He looks at me expectantly and just like that –

_Alice is drunk and playing twenty questions with all of us. How Jake ever got Billy to give him alcohol to bring on this stupid camping trip is beyond me. _

"_If you could live anywhere, _anywhere…_where would you live?" She's slurring, big time. _

_Jake starts, "Hawaii! I'd kill to move out there with my sister. That place is awesome!"_

_Alice and I nod in agreement. Jasper tells him, "You're a pussy though. You can't surf–no matter what anyone tells you. What else is there to do in Hawaii?"_

"_Man–fuck you! I can too surf!"_

_Jasper chuckles and Alice says, "I'd live in a huge city! Like…huge, huge. Like New York, huge. Or Paris, huge. Just anywhere huge!"_

_Big surprise, I laugh to myself. I could have answered for her. _

"_You like huge stuff, Alice? What the fuck are you doing with that douche?" Jake nods toward Jasper. He's propelled backward by Jasper's lithe body, and we watch the boys roll around in the dirt, play wrestling with each other and cussing. Alice and I just giggle and I try not to look at Jasper's ass in those jeans. Then I remember that Alice would get to see that ass out of those jeans later–yep, that did it._

_When they've settled down, Alice whines at Jasper, "Jasper! Where do you want to live sweetie-pie?"_

_He grins at her, and my heart thuds a little faster before the pain sets in again. "Where ever the woman I love is, is home."_

_I hear Alice 'aww' before the familiar smacking of their lips sounds out through the air. I try not to look at them and find if I concentrate on the fire and the sounds coming from it, things are easier to deal with. I make the mistake of looking up, though, and catch Jake's raised eyebrows and disapproving frown being directed at me. I make a mental note to compose myself better around Jasper and Alice._

"_Jasper! Stop–Bella hasn't answered yet!"_

_I see out of the corner of my eye, his movement stops completely at my name. My heart thuds faster and louder and I can hear it and I'm sure everyone else can too. I feel Jasper's eyes on me and I'm sure my skin has turned a beautiful, embarrassing shade of red by now._

"_Well, Bell? Where would you live?" My eyes want to roll back into my head at his slow, southern drawl. Compose yourself, Bella!_

_I shrug, concentrating on keeping my voice to a tolerable squeak. "I don't know. I think home is here–Forks. I can't really imagine living anywhere else. Like...a cabin? Here? Like...outside of Forks, sorta? Just…surrounded by trees and a fire burning and peace and quiet." I shrug again. I sound ridiculous to myself. "I don't know...I'm boring."_

_Alice agrees with me, vocally, and Jake keeps calling me a dork. Jasper just sits there, though, staring into the fire. _

I gasp, sucking in a breath too quickly and coughing as a result. He pushes my now-full glass of whiskey back toward my lips, and I chug it greedily. The burn from the whiskey is welcoming and I tell him, "But...that was in high school! There's no way–"

"I saw that picture after you left. After you went back to Jacksonville. I hadn't looked at it in so long...I reacted pretty much the same way that you just did."

"But you–"

"I was blind. Or that's the excuse that I've been giving myself."

"Then all of this…?"

He doesn't answer right away so I look up to meet his gaze. The look is the same still as he studies my features. His eyes roam the entirety of my face and I find myself blushing, again.

"Yes. All of this was built for you."

My breath leaves me slowly, whistling between my teeth. I can't look away from him.

"I wanted you to see this...to know what I know. But it wasn't the only reason that I asked you out here. We needed to talk, and we needed privacy to do that. I couldn't think of a better place."

I nod, but have to ask, "But you dated–why would you build this for me–"

"I dated. Yes. You left me for another man, and after a year and a half of solitude, I went out on a date. I met Lucy at a concert...she was drunk and dancing and I was drunk and she looked like you..." My eyes slam shut at his admission. _Oh God! Did he seriously date someone because they looked like me? _"We exchanged phone numbers and two days later went out to dinner. I was sober then…and she didn't look anything like you, not really. There were similarities, but... I wanted to call off the date but she just kept talking. It was obvious she was nervous and I didn't want to hurt her feelings by cutting out. So, I stayed. And I found that she was pretty damn cool. So we went out again and again. A month turned into two and then three, and I hadn't ever brought her here. Your picture has hung from that wall since this room was finished and it felt…_wrong_ to bring her here. After three months she asked me why and I told her. The truth. About you and me and my feelings for you that I just can't fucking get rid of. I haven't heard from her since."

I feel the air hit my cheeks and realize I'm crying. I hadn't even felt the tears fall-I felt nothing. Numb. I'm numb. _What did I do?_

"I can't blame her, and you shouldn't cry, Bell. It's not something that you have any control over...just like I don't have any control over it. Momma says it best: 'the heart loves who it loves.' And that's the truth of it."

I nod and cry some more. Jasper hands me another glass, and my nerves ease again as I drain its contents.

"Now. Tell me what happened with Edward." His voice is gentle and hard at the same time. He doesn't want to know, but he has to.

So I take a deep breath and tell him. Everything that Edward and I had talked about that night. My reasons for wanting to break up with Edward–which earns me an eye roll and some muttering that I can't make out under Jasper's breath. Edward and I trying to be friends and his ultimate realization that he truly did love Tanya and couldn't be with me...not like that...not like I wanted him to be. My life changing again in Jacksonville when I changed jobs and then again when I wrote my book. My decision to move back to Forks. Everything.

And I realize why Jasper has given me whiskey–I talk freely and openly with it in my system. The haze I feel now is pleasant, alcohol-induced and he doesn't have to pull teeth to get answers from me.

"That's really stupid, Bell."

I gape at him. "What?"

"You heard me. I saw the way you looked at him–you loved his pansy ass. You guys shouldn't have tried friendship...I guaran-fucking-tee that you would still be together if you hadn't made that mistake. And he was fucking right–you broke _up_ with me. You didn't _break_ me."

"But Jasper," I say and then motion with my hands to our surroundings. I glance pointedly at him and he blushes again. "People that get broken up with don't build houses for their exes."

"That's not true. I designed and helped the builders with Alice and Demetri's house."

_That's interesting…and so beside the point._

"That is not what I mean and you fucking know it!"

"Yeah," he agrees with a sigh. "Look–"

"And another thing," I carry right on, not letting him get a word in. _Damn whiskey. _"Why would you build this? I mean, why would you say that you built this _for me?_ As far as you knew, I was still with Edward. In fact, the way you make it sound you almost wish I _was _still with Edward! Jasper that's–"

"Crazy?" He interjects. He looks me right in the eye and nods one time, reaffirming what he's just said. "I know it's fucking crazy! Everyone that walks in here and sees that picture tells me I'm crazy. _Alice_ told me I was fucking nuts and to get over you. But…"

He hasn't looked away from me and I can't look away from him, either. I can't believe what I'm hearing–he built this house _for me._ He remembered everything I said on that stupid camping trip–he took the words from my mouth and made it into _this._ I can't believe it.

"But I can't get over you, Bell," he finally finishes. "I've tried dating...that didn't work, hell I'm surprised she didn't run away screaming when I told her about you. I've tried talking to Rose and Emmett; even tried talking to my Momma–none of them could help. I tried talking to Alice and she was the biggest lot of non-help imaginable… Shit, Bell… I took a page out of your book and went to _therapy._ Didn't help. I built this house to see if I could take my mind off of you...like have something tangible to walk away from. Something that screamed you. Didn't work; as soon as the first room was done, it was like automatic to hang your picture up and move in. I don't…I don't know what else to…to do."

And now I've made him cry again. "Fuck, Jasper...don't cry…I'm _sorry,"_ I choke out and try to raise myself up from the couch to him, I want to stop his tears. He raises his hand to me though, stopping my rise and shakes his head. He stands from his position on the armchair he's been sitting on and moves over to stand in front of the fire. He's obviously had less to drink than me, I know that I wouldn't have been able to move that gracefully.

_Everything Jasper does is graceful, Bella._

"I'm really sorry I didn't call, Bell."

"Jasper–"

"I couldn't…hear your voice again. I knew that if I did…I would beg for another chance."

I close my eyes and more tears fall from them. "I'm sorry, Jasper."

"Don't. You were honest with me...you've been honest with me tonight, too. I know that you didn't want to hurt me at my father's funeral and I know that you were trying to do the right thing and I know that you never planned for any of this to happen. You were always good to me, whether I deserved it or not. And I wasn't to you. I was a fucking fool–"

"Jasper! Don't–"

"And I'm so fucking sorry, Bell."

I shake my head. "You don't need to apologize to me anymore. I told you that I forgave you, a long time ago. I meant that."

"I know, but...let me…okay? It would make me feel better."

I sniffle. "I really never did want to hurt you."

He nods. "I know. I never did want to hurt you, either. And if I hadn't been so damn blind…"

"Don't. What-if's and wishes for things to have been done differently won't change anything. It's better not to dwell."

Jasper moves to stand in front of me on the couch and drops to a crouching position. He eyes me speculatively, for a moment, before turning around and reaching for the whiskey bottle and my glass. He pours me one and hands it to me before doing the same with his own glass. We clink our glasses and chug back what he's poured. Looking down at his glass, his voice sounds again, "Can I ask you something?"

I lower my head, trying to catch his eyes with my own. His eyes meet mine and I nod.

"Do you…? Still…? Do you ever think about me, anymore? Like _that?"_

I blush and hesitantly nod before whispering, "More so now. I tried not to for a long time but…yeah."

A small grin forms on his face. "Really?"

My blush deepens and I nod again. He asks, "So…do you think…? I mean–"

"Jasper, you _don't_ want that–"

"Hell yes, I do. I've wanted you for as long as I can remember...that's not gonna change, Bell."

"You could be happier with someone else–"

"Who? And why? I know what I want, Bell. I've _known_ what I want for a long time. So tell me–"

"Jasper, I broke–"

"My heart–I know. But…you could also fix it. If you wanted."

My eyes close again and more tears leak out. "Jasper–"

"Look, I don't want to force you into something you don't want. If you don't want this–_at all–_tell me now. I promise I won't pressure you for more, and I promise I won't make you feel bad about not wanting to try with me… But… if there is any doubt there, Bell… If there is any desire to be with me…you don't have to say anything–nothing at all. Just…nod your head, and I'll do my best not to rush you."

And then he stops. And stares. Straight at me. I don't know what to say. Well, I know what I want to say: of course I want him. I admitted that to myself and I want to pull his face to mine and kiss him, and I want to tell him to take me to bed and make love to me, and I want to live in this cabin he built for me and be happy. But…why does he still want me? Why did he do this for me? Why would he still want to be with me after I had hurt him so badly? And so I don't nod, and after a minute he exhales heavily and stands, moving from me back to the armchair he'd been sitting in earlier.

"Okay," he says, quietly. "Hey...there's a guest bedroom right through that door." He points behind him and my eyes follow, finding the door he was referring to. "You're more than welcome to stay. And you're probably too drunk to drive home. I'm sorry for that."

He stands and brushes his hands over the pant legs of his jeans. "I'm gonna head to bed. Kitchen and bathroom are next to the guest room. If you need anything…well, you shouldn't have trouble finding it. If you need me for anything..." His voice chokes out that last sentence and he clears his throat. "My bedroom is the door to the right upstairs–just knock."

And then he leaves the room quickly, and I hear his boots thud on the stairs as he makes his way up. The sobs burst from me then and I can't contain them, no matter how hard I try. I keep asking myself, over and over in my head… _what have I done?_

* * *

There's a fire burning when I wake up, but I don't know where I am. I'm warm and comfy, and I realize it's because there's a quilt draped over my body. The couch I'm laying on is plush and formed to my body, my eyes drop again and I want more than anything to go back to sleep. I raise my head from the down pillow my head is resting on and survey the room. My sleepy eyes can't make anything out clearly and I raise my body up to rest on my arm, trying to figure out where the hell I am. As soon as my eyes hit the picture–the only picture in the room–I'm up and off of the couch, and searching the room for Jasper.

He isn't there, obviously, but I know he had been. He had to have come down at some point during the night…and I must have passed out on the couch. That's the only explanation to the blanket and the pillow.

Flashes of last night echo through my head and the tears come again. I have to get out of here.

My body moves on its own, like it's on autopilot–slipping out of Jasper's perfect house, into my car, navigating the road and the highway and the streets before stopping in my own driveway. I only make it as far as my bed before dropping and sobbing like I had last night.

I want to go back and beg him to ask me again, and I want to tell him I do still love him. I want to leave Forks because I _knew_ I would see Jasper Whitlock if I came back here and somewhere, in the back of my head–I _knew_ it would hurt.

I scoot along the bed, until my head can lay on my pillow and I close my eyes–trying to fall back asleep and just _forget_ again.

_I hate this._

I never wanted to hurt him and here, I've done it again. Really, way to go, Bella. You're most excellent at doing all of the wrong things where Jasper Whitlock is concerned… I sigh, trying to block the images of him from my mind. I'm wholly unsuccessful.

There's no way to tell how long I've lain in bed. But I'm there forever; at least that's what it feels like. I huff at myself–I can't get my mind off of anything, it doesn't matter which way I turn or how many covers I pile on myself. Sighing, I make my way to the closet for fresh clothes–a shower will most certainly help. That's when I see it–my Jasper box.

The box is the same one that the letters and the book arrived in. The one Alice painted Robin's Egg Blue. I sigh again because, really? Everywhere I turn, there's Jasper. He doesn't have to do anything to try to work himself back into my life–he's already there. He's _been_ there, all along. His face and his voice and his eyes and his smiles have always…_always_ been there–somewhere below the surface of my consciousness. He's always just waiting to be brought back up.

Shakily, I pull the box down and sit it on top my bed. Opening it brings more tears–a picture of Jasper smiling at the camera is lying on top of everything else. And under it…my shaky hand finds the letter. I pull it out gently and sit down beside the box on the bed, fingering the edges and lifting it to my nose to see if I could smell him…even though I've tried before and knew that I wouldn't.

Hesitantly, I slide my finger under the fold and open the envelope–something I've never done before. And then the letter, still folded, is out of the envelope and in my hands. I allow myself one deep breath and open it.

_Bell-_

_Shit, darlin, I can't find the words now that the page is in front of me so...forgive me this…but there really wasn't any better way to say it to you:_

_When the rain is blowing in your face,  
And the whole world is on your case,  
I could offer you a warm embrace,  
To make you feel my love.__To make you feel my love._

When evening shadows and the stars appear,  
And there's no one to dry your tears,  
I could hold you for a million years,

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,  
But I would never do you wrong,  
I've known it from the moment that we met,  
There's doubt in my mind where you belong,  
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue,  
I'd go crawling down the avenue,  
There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do,  
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on a rolling sea,  
And on the highway of regret,  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,  
You ain't seen nothin' like me yet,  
There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do,  
Go to the ends of the earth for you,  
Make you happy, make your dreams come true,  
To make you feel my love.

_We need to talk. I think…well I'm pretty sure that you know what I think-the song pretty much says it all. But I don't want to tell you those words in a letter. And I'm pretty fucking sure it's not one-sided. If I'm wrong, then I think I deserve to hear that from you–and you deserve the chance to tell me to go to hell. Maybe I'm too fucking sure of myself for my own good–I don't think so, though. I think I'm right. And I think we need to talk. Please call, Bell. I need to talk to you. I need to explain. _

_I need you. _

_Please._

_I'll be waiting, _

_Jasper_

I choke on my tears and shake my head at myself–what did I think reading this letter would do? Make me doubt walking out on Jasper? Check. Make me want to go back out there and beg for a second chance? Check. Make me–

I don't think past that because I see with clarity that is _exactly_ what I want to do. I'm up off of my bed and in my car before I give it a second thought. I find the turn-off easily and breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of his truck, still sitting where he parked it last night.

I make my way swiftly to his door, and don't give myself a chance to rethink what I'm about to do before raising my hand to knock. I stand there for a few seconds after the knock and hear nothing, and that's when the doubts start to creep in.

What would he say? What would _I_ say? Would he even want to see me? What if–

"Bell?"

My head jerk up, and my eyes find his easily. They're rimmed with red again, and my heart hurts at the sight.

I don't hesitate, though. "Ask me again."

He looks confused for a moment, but it's gone quickly. His brows stay furrowed though, despite the small smile that forms on his lips.

Quietly, he asks, "Do you still think of me? Like that?"

"All the time. I tried to stop. I couldn't. I wanted to tell you yes last night but I didn't want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Jasper. I thought I was over you. I'm not. When guys ask me out I used to compare them to Edward and now you–that's recent. But your face just popped in to my head and it hasn't gone away and I don't think that I can make it and I really don't think I want it to. I'm pretty sure that I'm still in love with you and I'm so afraid of hurting you again."

His smile widens. "Bell–"

"And I so understand if you don't want to ask me again. I know I must seem like the most undecided person in the world to you, and I'm sorry for that. But sometimes, my brain and my heart just rule me and they don't always agree with each other and then sometimes my body just acts and my mouth says stuff without my permission and I still don't think that I deserve you and I'll always think that you could do better than me, but I've loved you since the sun followed you to me and I think that I always will. And yes, I loved Edward and I'm sorry that I fell in love with someone else but I think that I've been punished for that and I just want another chance. Just tell me I have another chance. Just ask me. Ask me if I want to be with you. _Please."_

The grin on his face is bright and huge and _beautiful_. "Do you want to be with me?"

"More than _anything."_

And then my arms are around him and my lips find his. He pulls me inside quickly, and throws the door closed before lowering both of his hands down and swinging me up and into his arms. He whispers, "I love you."

I smile against his lips. "I love you too, Jasper Whitlock."

"What happened?"

"I read your letter."

"Thank _fucking_ Jesus."

We were moving–up the stairs, and the sound of a door opening vaguely registers as I kiss him over and over–not letting him talk anymore. My back hits the bed and he's on top of me and between my legs and I can feel him _everywhere._ My hands grasp his shirt and I try to tug it off, but he stops me. Stilling my hand with his own, he tells me, "I want to enjoy this, baby. Don't rush."

My breath hitches at the familiar, tender endearment. I raise my eyebrow and grin. "Don't keep me waiting _too long,_ cowboy."

His lips turn up in a wicked grin before he presses them against mine, again. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensations coursing through my body.

Something tells me that today…is going to be a _very good day._

* * *

_-Three months later-_

"B! I need you! Lil one is screaming again and I don't fucking know why!" Emmett's voice rings through my house, as he helps himself inside. This is a regular occurrence these days–and I don't mind one bit. 'Lil one' aka Lillian McCarty was born a month and a half ago, and we all fell in love with her instantly. She is a blessing that her parents' adore with all of their hearts–but I swear Emmett has _no clue_ what to do when she cries. Usually, he passes her to Rose, or Charlotte, or me…and today Rose and Charlotte have gone to Port Angeles with Jasper. Some top secret Christmas shopping, which meant–he's shopping for me.

I don't have it in me to argue with him or to call him out on trying to keep it secret. The past three months have been, in a word, _amazing._ Jasper is everything I always dreamed he would be, and I don't understand why he acted the way he had when we tried a relationship the first time around. When I ask about it, he tells me he's had time to grow up and grow into what he feels for me. This time around, we've started our relationship right–no lingering emotional commitments to someone else, and no one coming between us.

Of course, Alice has tried. She still hasn't spoken one word to me, but I know her ring tone well and she still calls Jasper at least once a week. He'll shrug and tell me 'best friend' just like always, but he doesn't leave the room while he's on the phone with her and his expressions when she talks to him are anything but friendly. Her hostility toward me is apparent–she still hasn't forgiven me, but apparently she's forgiven Jasper. And they're still friends. I can hear her shrieking voice every time he talks to her, asking him why the hell he's with me and haven't I done enough to him. I just clench my jaw and pretend her words don't hurt, because I know she is still one of Jasper's friends. I would never ask him not to talk to her or not to see her–I'll never ask him to do something like that.

"Give her to me," I murmur to Emmett. My arms reached for Lil one and I cradle her delicately in my arms. I rock her gently and walk around the room with her, murmuring her name and rubbing circles on her back. Babies smell so good–and she's no different, I can't help pressing my nose to her and inhaling. She isn't quieting and Emmett is becoming increasingly stressed.

"She's been like this for an hour. _An hour, B!_ Is she okay? Do I need to take her to the hospital? Oh, God! I need to take her to the hospital, don't I? Shit, B–"

"Shh," I tell him and hold up a pointer finger, silencing him instantly. I move her to my shoulder, and one gentle whack let that nasty burp loose that has been bothering her so bad. She quiets after a few more soft cries; her coos are music to my ears. I smile at Emmett. "Just a little gas. She takes after you, apparently."

He lets out a huge breath. "Fucking right, she does. Daddy's little girl."

He walks back over to me, rubbing her back in gentle circles. "You really need to follow that checklist that Rose gave you for when she starts crying. I don't mind you coming over here–don't think that…I love Lil one…but it's not healthy for you to freak out like this at every turn."

He nods. "Yeah, I know. I just can't help it–every time she starts crying and I think I've done something wrong…"

My front door opens and Rose's eyes scanned the room. Her body instantly relaxes at seeing Lillian in my arms and she moves over to us.

"Did she start crying again?"

But Jasper walks in the room and I can't answer her. His eyes find mine instantly and _my smile_ pops in place. His eyes move to the baby girl in my arms and his features soften. Rose takes her from me and I hear Emmett muttering excuses to her but I'm moving as soon as my arms are free. Jasper's lips find mine and we kiss slowly, savoring each other after a day spent away.

"What'd you get me for Christmas?"

He scoffs. "Nothing. I wasn't there shopping for you."

"Mhm…"

"You two are kind of sickening, yo," Emmett barks at us.

I turn my head and roll my eyes, but Jasper speaks my retort for me, "You're just jealous 'cause Rose won't give you any."

Emmett shakes his head and mutters, "For real…"

Rose's hand smacks the back of Emmett's head and she tells us, "We're gonna go home and review the checklist, _again._ We'll see you at Momma's tonight?"

We both nod and kiss Lil one on her head, and I turn and kiss Rose's cheek as she tells me, "Cobbler, Bella. Don't forget–it's important. Is your Dad still coming?"

I roll my eyes and nod about my Dad, telling her I won't forget the cobbler and as soon as they're out the door, Jasper has my legs wrapped around him and we're on our way to my bedroom. I can't even laugh at how eager he is–my mouth is occupied with his. And in all honesty, I'm just as eager for him.

He falls back on the bed this time, pulling me to sit astride him as his hands yank my thermal up and off of me and his lips close on my nipple before I can blink. My eyes roll back into my head, and I moan at the sensations his tongue is giving me.

"We have to be quick, cowboy," I whisper and he groans.

"_Why?"_

I laugh. "Because I was busy writing and I didn't get a chance to make the cobbler for tonight. You know Rose will have a hissy-fit if I don't bring one."

"Fuck Rose," he murmurs against my neck. "We'll pick up a cobbler from the grocery store. I want you, baby."

His hand slips into my sweat pants and under my panties, his finger finds my clit instantly and begins to rub slow circles around it. I moan, "Jasper! That's not fair! "

He pulls his head back from my collarbone where he's been leaving open-mouthed kisses. "I never said I'd play fair, baby. Now, _ride me, cowgirl."_

I giggle and jump up to pull my sweats off as Jasper works fast at undoing his belt and kicking his boots and jeans off and then he's naked and beneath me and I climb back up and whisper against his lips, "I love you."

I feel his smile. "I love you, too."

I lower myself onto his length. "What'd you get me for Christmas?"

I pull back up, squeezing him tightly as I do so. He groans and pants, "I swear I wasn't there shopping for you–I got your present a month ago! We wanted to spend the day with Momma–she's been lonely."

I push back down, fast, and grind myself against him. "Well, what'd you get me a month ago?"

Lowering my head, I start to nip and lick his neck, just below his ear. He moans, "That's not fair!"

I takw his earlobe into my mouth and suckle it before biting down and pulling. Then I place my lips at his ear and whisper, "I never said I'd play fair, _cowboy."_

But then his hand finds my center and he starts rubbing those tortuous circles again. "I'm not telling."

My lips form a pout–but the moaning coming out of my mouth seriously undermines it. "Fine, then I'm not telling you what I got you."

His fingers leave my clit and both hands grip my hips, raising me up a few inches from sitting on his body. He gives one hard, fast thrust and a scream rips from my throat. Jasper smiles _my smile_ and says, "That's okay. You'll get your present tonight, Bell. Patience never killed anyone."

But I can't reply because then the hard, fast thrusts are unending and my mouth can't form words. The screams and the moans and the grunts are all I can voice and when I come, he comes with me and then we lay there, covered in sweat before I say, "Now I _really_ need to get that cobbler done."

* * *

Charlotte's house looks like a Christmas wonderland for children. I giggle at the sight. The woman only has one grandchild, so far, but from the looks of things, one would think she had like a dozen of them running around.

Jasper opens my door like the true Southern gentleman he is, and holds his hand out to help me out of the car. "Momma went all out. Too bad Lil one is too young to appreciate all of this."

I shake my head. "Five bucks she squeals all night at the lights."

He grins. "I'll take that bet and up you five bucks she pulls the Christmas tree down trying to _get to the lights."_

I chuckle and we shake on it before sealing the deal with a kiss. Charlie pulls up just as we're pulling apart from one another and waves hello. I make my way over to him as Jasper followed.

"Hello, Bells, Jasper. Merry Christmas," Charlie grunts while trying to get out of his truck. I smile at him and pull him in for a hug. "Renee here yet?"

I roll my eyes because, really? It's Christmas and I made _one_ comment like a month ago about Renee and Phil coming to visit for Christmas and…

"Not yet, sir," Jasper says before I can answer. I whip my head around because I don't recall saying _anything_ to Jasper about Renee coming. He catches my stare and tells me, "She called. Told me her plans... I thought I told you…"

I shake my head, but before I can say anything, Charlie speaks up again, "Well, I'm sure they're on their way. Let's go inside, it's cold as hell out here."

Jasper smiles at my father and reaches his hand out to me, leading me over the icy patches safely. I shake my head, trying to clear it. Something about these two communicating _amicably_ isn't sitting right with me. Neither is the fact that Renee only _hinted_ about coming to visit, but Jasper and Charlie seem to know _for sure._

"Charles Swan! You didn't have to bring a thing! Just your handsome face," Charlotte gushes as she pulls my father in for a hug. "I'm not complaining though! Whatever is in that Tupperware smells absolutely delicious!"

My Dad blushes, as he is prone to do around Charlotte Whitlock and mutters something about the dish being hot before scampering off to the kitchen. Charlotte turns to Jasper, and her face softens. "Jasper Wayne, I see you brought my beautiful Bella! Come on now, give me a hug you two!"

We laugh as we hug her and she ushers me off to the kitchen, stating Rosalie was fretting over my cobbler, and I need to go on in there and make her feel better. I chuckle and make my way back, taking in the surroundings as I doing so. Charlotte really went all out. The whole house is decorated in varying shades of green and red and gold and silver–a true Christmas wonderland. Rose is beside me the minute I walk in the kitchen.

"You made the blackberry one this time, right? Please tell me that you _made _it–I know you and my brother were fornicating for half the afternoon but _please–"_

"Rose! Oh my God!"

She raises her eyebrows. "What? We could hear you from _our house._ It's a good damn thing he's asking you to–"

"Rose! I need you," Emmett says, hurriedly, effectively cutting off whatever she was about to say. He walks beside her and I watch as her face pales. I see her mouth the words, 'oh my God,' before following Emmett to the other end of the kitchen. I look at them confused but am not able to dwell. Charlie steps in front of me quickly, turning me around to set the cobbler down before leading me out of the room.

He leads me back out to the living room, where the tree is and we find Jasper and Charlotte on the floor, playing with Lil one. I find myself staring at Jasper, who is holding Lil one above his body and cooing at her. He's so good with her, and I wonder if he wants to have kids of his own one day. I blush at the thought and let my mind wonder if he wants to have kids _with me_ one day. I'm shocked at myself–I've never considered children. Not that I don't want them, quite the contrary. But this is the first time I've considered actually _having them._ And most certainly, the first time I've considered having them with _Jasper._

I remember the day in his room, when I showed up to comfort him before his father's funeral. He told me that he wanted to marry me and have babies with me before I cut off his train of thought. That he wanted to marry me–at one time–I couldn't doubt, because he asked me. But, I wonder if he would want that again, one day. He's had time to get past his marriage with Alice, now, and he might not want that again. We haven't talked about marriage or babies (of our own), and so I'm just not sure. This relationship hasn't been too fast, with the exception of sex…but I like to think that we just can't help ourselves. I'm more attracted to Jasper than I ever have been, and with the way that he drags me on top of him at every chance…I'm sure the attraction is more than mutual.

A knock sounds at the door and we all turn to look as Rose flies through the room to answer. I hear Renee's voice and Rose's squeal. I roll my eyes.

I forgot to mention–Rose and Renee _love_ each other. They met when Rose came out once to visit me in Jacksonville, and I swear she came back each time just to see Renee, not me. Those two got along from the start, and they were inseparable once they met. Rose didn't even notice when Renee would ask her a question and answer for her–she just gives her own answer right after. It's really quite funny.

They walk into the living room, hand in hand, and I roll my eyes again. "Nice of you to tell me that you were coming for sure, Renee."

She laughs; the sound was full of joy. "Oh, Bella, don't be such a spoil-sport! Besides, I wanted to surprise you! Oh! Is this Lillian?"

And then I was forgotten again, Renee found something new to play with. Jasper makes his way to me, and whispers, "Don't be mad, baby. She really did just want to surprise you."

I smile and lean into him. "I know. I'm just kinda irked that you and Dad knew before I did."

"Yeah... about that." He places a hand on my hip and turns me to face him. With a raised eyebrow, he asks, "Were you gonna tell me that she was coming?"

A flash of our previous relationship runs through my head. Is he going to accuse me of keeping things from him? "When I knew for sure, I was going to tell you. Is that a problem?"

His brows furrow. "No, of course not. I didn't mean–"

"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry." I sigh. "It just took me by surprise."

He presses his lips against my temple and murmurs, "I'm sorry. I wasn't snapping or accusing or anything. I was actually trying to tease you…I just didn't think of how it might be perceived."

"Jasper–"

"Oh my goodness! Look at the time," Charlotte exclaims. "It's time to cut the turkey! Come on, y'all!"

I sigh. "Never mind. I wasn't thinking–I'm sorry."

"Hush, baby. You don't have anything to apologize for. C'mon–let's go eat."

I nod and take his offered hand, and we walk to the dining room together. This time, I take my place right next to Jasper. Dinner is wonderful; the whole spread is tasty and warm and it's the first Christmas since I was nine years old, that my family has spent together. Charlie and Phil are fast friends and Emmett keeps us all entertained with stories from his shop. Jasper talks about projects he's working on, and Rose talks about Lil one. Renee tells us all about the new pottery class that she's taken and Charlotte regales us with stories of her and Peter–and times when Rose and Jasper were little. Lil one naps the whole time, and everyone glances her way whenever she coos or moves at all. It's magical.

It isn't Christmas; the actual date is December 22, but Rose and Emmett promised Mama McCarty they would spend Christmas at her house. Emmett's mom raised him by herself, as well, and his two brothers. Emmett's the oldest though, and the first one to give her a grandchild. They offered to take Charlotte as well, but she declined. She said she'd be just fine here, with her son and her new extended family…and her new daughter.

It still takes me by surprise when she refers to me as her daughter. I thought for sure she would have a harder time forgiving me for hurting Jasper in the past. But, she welcomed me wholeheartedly back into her family, and I'm grateful and in awe of her for it.

When everyone has stuffed themselves, and Lil one has woken up from her nap, Charlotte tells us all that it's time to open presents. So we gather together on the couches in the living room and watch as Rose hands Lil one a present (she made a bigger haul than anyone). Emmett eventually gets impatient and snatches them away to open them himself. We laugh at him; he's still like a big kid.

_But in all honesty, I think Lil one prefers the noisy wrapping paper to what's in the box._

Once all of Lil one's presents are open, we begin to exchange presents with each other. I'm nervous to give Jasper his–it's still in my car. I haven't seen him play a guitar since college, but I know how much he loved it. I saw this guitar when I was shopping in Port A one day, and had a vision of Jasper, out on his deck strumming it. I had to get it for him and I hope he likes it. I make my excuse and escape to the car to get it, glad that Jasper had been okay with bringing my car and not his truck... because I didn't know how I would hide this in that, but when I turn around with it in my hand, I find everyone gathered on the front porch. I blush and try to hide it behind my back as Jasper makes his way to me.

"Is that for me?" His voice tells his amusement, and my embarrassment shows on my face.

"Um…yeah? I couldn't wrap it–"

"I love it," he says quickly. "Can I see it?"

My eyes roam the crowd on the porch. They're all smiling at the two of us, and Lil one is laughing as Rose rocks her in her arms. My brow furrows as I hand him his guitar, but he eases my concerns with a look. His hand roams over the bridge and he fingers the strings, gently.

"Thank you, baby. This is perfect."

I smile at him. "I'm so glad. I was worried–"

"Nothing to worry about. Emmett?" I look at him, confused again. Emmett hops off of the porch, and gently takes the guitar from Jasper's hands before turning right back around and standing beside Rose.

My eyes go from Emmett to Rose, taking in her happy smile before Jasper's movement distracts me. He's dropping to one knee–_oh!_

"I'm doing this right, this time." He winks at me. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a small, blue, velvet box.

I gasp as he tells me, "Bell, I know that I asked you this once before–and neither of us was ready." He pops open the box to reveal not his grandmother's ring…but the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. This ring is either white gold or platinum–I can't tell in this light, but I _can_ see the three emerald cut diamonds, the middle bigger than the two surrounding it. "This isn't Grandma Maggie's–I wanted this ring to be _yours._"

Tears spring to my eyes, and he smiles, taking the ring from the box and showing it to me. "I've loved you from the moment that I saw you. I think I loved you before that, even. All I know is, I can't remember ever _not_ loving you–and I don't want to ever stop. You're everything that I ever wanted, and I hope that I will always be everything that you will ever need. I know–I _know _that we haven't been back together for long. But I've thought of you every day, and I will think of you forever. I'll spend the rest of my life making you happy, Bell. Spend the rest of my life with me. Be my wife, Isabella Marie Swan. Will you marry me?"

My eyes close, pushing more tears from them. I breathe in deeply, open my eyes, smile, and tell him, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

He exhales sharply before jumping up, and wrapping his arms around me. He burrows his head in my neck and I can hear him murmuring, "Thank God. Thank God. Thank fucking God."

I pull him against me, spurring him to tighten his hold on me. His right arm pulls away, and his hand reaches back for my left hand. I feel the ring slide on, and turn my head to pull him in for a kiss. There's applause ringing in my ears, everyone on the porch is clapping and hollering. I laugh and pull away, looking at the love shining in Jasper's eyes.

And then three months later? I became Isabella Whitlock. The only clear thought in my head the whole day was something that Charlotte told me once about her life and her feelings about Peter and Jasper and Rosalie, and now Emmett and me and her grandchild. She told me, "I could never ask the Lord for more than he's given me. My life is what is should be and I have no regrets. I'm healthy and I'm happy and I have the most wonderful family in the world. My cup runneth over."

* * *

_-Five years later-_

Squealing laughter breaks my train of thought. I'm just almost finished with my seventh book in a series about a young girl from a small town who marries her high school sweetheart... but the laughter has successfully distracted me.

I smile as I make my way to look out the window of mine and Jasper's bedroom. Emmett and Rose are here because it's their weekend to keep the kids. I smile at Jasper as he holds our son, Hale, and blows raspberries on his belly. Hale is the perfect mix between me and Jasper–my brown hair, Jasper's blue eyes and all of his smiles. Unfortunately, he has inherited my clumsiness, as well. We've taken to stocking first-aid kits in every room of our house.

Next week, Hale will turn three, and Charlotte is in overdrive planning his party. She won't let me do a thing except bake the cake. I have argued with her that it is my son, and I should throw his party, but she argues right back that Hale is her first grandson and, by God, she was planning his party–and I could plan his fourth. I roll my eyes but cave–it's impossible to keep an argument going with Charlotte. She's too damn sweet.

I make my way downstairs to kiss my son goodbye, and he sees me the moment I walk out of the door. He squeals, "Mommy!" His voice always makes me smile, and this time is no exception.

Hale pats Jasper on the head with both hands, and Jasper presses one more kiss to his belly before setting him free. He immediately runs to me, and I pick him up, squeezing him tight in a hug. I pull away, but not before puckering up for kiss. He obliges me which makes Lil one ("it's _Lillian, _Dad. _Gosh!"_) mutters an 'ew'. I turn to her and smile, blowing a kiss in her direction which elicits a blush from her. She's five years old now and the spitting image of her mother. She's also five going on sixteen. I feel awful for Rose and Emmett–they're going to be beating the boys off with a stick. She blows a kiss back to me, and then runs to hide behind her Momma. Rose laughs at her daughter's antics as I walk over to give her a hug.

"Promise you'll be good for your Aunt Rose, Hale," I tell my son. He blushes as well, as he is prone to do around his aunt, but nods before ducking his head into my neck. It's adorable when he's like this–it doesn't happen unless Rose is around. Most of the time, he acts just like a boy–getting dirty and chasing his father around. Those two get into more trouble together than is healthy, but I love it regardless.

Jasper's arms surround me and his chest presses against my back. "You heard your Momma, Hale. You be good and when you come back…we'll go fishing with Grandpa Charlie. Okay?"

Hale squeals at that promise and he's ready to go. He _loves_ going fishing with my dad, and Charlie loves taking him. They'll go to the res to meet up with Jake, Billy and the boys, and all the girls fawn over Hale. Charlie tells me it's the cutest thing because Hale will stomp his foot and tell them, "Daddy said that girls are evil!"

I remember laughing when Charlie first told me that, and raising an eyebrow at Jasper to explain. He just shrugged and grinned before responding, "What? They are."

We stand there and watch Emmett drive away with our most prized possession, but as soon as the Jeep is out of sight, Jasper's lips are at my ear.

"Well, Mrs. Whitlock. We have all weekend–what shall we do first?"

One weekend every month, we take Lillian, and then the next, Rose and Emmett take Hale. Then there's one weekend every month Charlotte takes them, and then one weekend Charlie takes Hale, and Grandma McCarty takes Lillian. We've found many a way to spend our weekends, but our favorite way…is in bed.

We've found our way with each other, and I'm not gonna lie and say it was all easy. Alice continued to be a sore spot in our relationship and then later, our marriage. It all blew up after Hale was born. I was emotional post-pregnancy, and I had had enough. I told Jasper I wouldn't stay in a marriage where I always came second–he had just run out to save Alice from a flat tire. She was stuck between Seattle and Tacoma–a good five hours or more from where we lived. So that meant my husband was gone all day and some of the night, saving his ex-wife while I, his current wife, sat at home _bawling_ because I couldn't get Hale to stop crying. I eventually called Rose, crying for help and she came. She stayed until Jasper got back that night, and later, she took me home with her when Jasper refused to listen to what I was saying.

Hale and I stayed with Rose and Emmett for a week, before Emmett had enough. He stomped into the house one day after work, took one long look at me, and stomped right back out. When he came back that night, Jasper was with him. His eyes were red and he looked as if he hadn't eaten or bathed in all the time that we'd been apart. He was crying when he dropped to his knees in front of me, begging me to come home. He told me that he talked to Alice, and that he wouldn't be talking to her again. Apparently, she'd told him that he was stupid for crying over me, and that me and my 'little asshole son' leaving, was the best thing to ever happen to him. He told her to fuck off, amongst other things, and ever after, it was a different ring tone that signaled Alice's call–before he would silence the phone. After a few months she stopped trying and we haven't heard from her since.

If I ever see her again, she'll wish she was never born, though. It's one thing to talk about me, and I can and have accepted her hatred, but when she brings our son into it…well, she's lucky she still has all of her appendages.

That's the worst fight that we ever had, and the only fight that one of us walked out of. Jasper begged me to never scare him like that again–to never leave him again, and I promised him that I wouldn't. I also told him to never give me a reason.

My husband's lips on my neck suddenly demands my full attention. I melt into his embrace, my hands rising to his hair. I turn my head further, to accommodate his kisses and breath, "Take me to bed, cowboy."

Jasper smiles against my neck and turns me around. He presses his lips against mine, and I part mine immediately to welcome his tongue into my mouth. His hands roam from my shoulder blades, down my back, before settling on my ass. He pulls me closer to him; his hardness pushes against my stomach. I moan at the feel and pull him closer as our kisses become frenzied. Our lips against each other are familiar and sensual and they feel _so fucking good._

He grips hold of my bottom and hoists me, so I can wrap my legs around his waist. I cross my ankles and pull myself tighter against him, the motion makes his cock grind against me. He moans and we're in motion. At the door, he adjusts his arms slightly pulling one free to try to open the door. I let him, but as soon as we are through the door, I grip his shoulders for leverage and begin a slow grind against him. This makes him groan and try to walk faster. As graceful as Jasper usually is, the motions my body are putting out distracts him to the point of stumbling. He falls forward on the third step, his arm reaching out to keep me from falling just in time.

I don't loosen my hold, and he can't stand again. So he bends his knees and leans against me. His hands let go of their hold on me and work their way down my sides to my waist before gripping the hem of my shirt and practically ripping it off. His lips leave mine then to make a slow, wet crawl down my face and neck and collarbones and chest until they find my breasts. His tongue darts out and traces the lines of lace on my bra, and I moan.

"God, take it off! Please, Jasper."

His chuckle is breathless and amused; my impatience in bed always makes him laugh. "Baby, I'm gonna take it off–we have all weekend…"

"I don't care," I groan, pushing my crotch more firmly against his. It's his turn to groan as I whisper, "I want you."

I watch his eyes slam shut and his jaw clench tight; he's always telling me the sound of my voice during sex is what all of his wet dreams are made of. "Fuck, Bell."

I grin and grind against him again as my hands let go of his shoulders and grasp his shirt. He doesn't let me pull it off, though. His hands are faster, anyway, and then he leans in to kiss me again, this time our skin sizzles against each others'. His lips move hungrily with mine, and his fingers work at the clasp on my bra. His impatience with it is evident in his jerky movements. When he finally gets it unclasped and off, he sighs into my mouth and his hands cup my breasts, gently. His head jerks back from mine, and I know that he feels it–they're bigger, slightly swollen. It was the same with Hale, and I wanted to tell him this weekend... the doctor told me Thursday… I was pregnant, again.

I knew Jasper would be overjoyed; his pride at being a father was evident in everything he did. And when he introduces his family, the smile reserved for Hale is blinding and loving.

I didn't think he would find out like _this,_ though. "Baby?"

I look into his face, into his eyes…they're hopeful and full of love and _shining._ My smile is all the answer he needs to his question. "How far along?"

His voice is happy, ecstatic even. "The doctor said I'm close to three months. I haven't really started showing yet, though. Except for…"

His eyes follow my own to my breasts and his lips, still curled up into a smile, lower and press against my heart. "I didn't think it was possible for you to make me any happier, Bell."

The murmured words and the gentle tone of his voice were all the reminder I need as to how much I love this man. "Jasper?"

He doesn't move his head, but to incline it so his eyes can meet mine. "You've made me the happiest woman in the world. You know that, don't you?"

I feel his exhale, and then he's up again, picking up my body with the most delicate of touches. I gasp, not expecting the motion. "I'm not making love to my pregnant wife on a goddamn staircase."

I laugh. "But Jasper–"

"Nuh uh, woman."

The trip to the bedroom is fast and before I know it, he's laying me gently down on the bed. "Does that mean no more kitchen table sex, too?"

He smirks, climbing onto the bed beside me and unbuttoning my jeans. "I'm gonna go with yes. You know I tend to get a little excited when you're all spread out in front of me on our kitchen table, baby."

My bottom lip juts out, pouting. "I like when you get excited like that."

He pulls my jeans down my legs, along with my panties and places a kiss at my right ankle. "I just don't want to be too rough, Bell."

I huff. "I _like_ when you're a little rough!"

His lips begin trailing a burning line of kisses up the insides of my calves. His tongue darts out and licks the crevice of my knees. My eyes rolls back in my head. "How 'bout…I do _other_ things to you on our kitchen table…?"

Jasper licks all the way up the inside of my right thigh, and I moan, "What other things?"

His nose skims my lips, and he inhales my scent before letting his teeth nip gently along the edges. "How 'bout I show you?"

And then I can't talk, can't respond to him because he just digs right in. His right hand pulls my lips apart and his tongue finds my clit. He takes two fingers from his left hand and curl them into my hole, hitting my g-spot with a precision that only he, as my husband, could manage. My mouth opens, and I try to breathe through what he's doing to me, but it's hard. His tongue withdraws, and his lips close around my clit as he sucks and nibbles and bites hard enough to make me scream. My head starts thrashing around on my pillow and Jasper's hair is in the clutches of my fists. I'm pushing him harder against me and he obliges, willingly. His tongue comes back out to play and one gentle swipe later–I'm coming. And coming. And coming. He doesn't stop and I'm so sensitive down there already, it's like one orgasm runs into another and another, and only when my lower half is lifted as far off of the bed as it will go, does he stop.

He places his right hand in between my hips and pushes me back down gently; my body obeys him without question. Sometimes, I think Jasper is more in control of it than I am–it always does what he wants it to.

"Those kinds of things," he murmurs against my skin. He places one more nip to my inner right thigh, and then raises his body up. He stops when he's leaning over my stomach, and his hand strokes it lovingly. I watch him as he watches his hand and find myself smiling at him. When his head finally rises from my stomach, and he sees me smiling at him, he shrugs and grins. "Is it bad that I'm hoping for a little girl?"

I bark a laugh. "Let's just hope she doesn't look a _thing_ like Lillian. You'll end up in jail, chasing all the boys off."

He nods and laughs, looking back toward my stomach. "Let's hope she looks more like me than you too, Bell. There's no telling how many boys I'd be running off if she looked like you."

I chuckle. "Okay, then let's hope that she looks like neither of us."

He looks back into my face and grins. "Now, now. I'm not gonna lie and say that I don't want another brown-eyed girl. Let's just hope that your eyes are the only thing she gets from you–'cause I'm not above murder."

My head pushes back with the force of my laughter. Jasper takes advantage of my position, and pushes his lips against my neck. The kisses and nibbles are driving me crazy–I want him so much. He kisses another trail up my jaw line to my ear and whispers, "I love you."

And then he thrusts inside of me–I didn't even see him take his jeans off. I moan; my hands fly to his ass, and I squeeze and pull him firmly against me. He holds himself there, all the way inside of me, and doesn't move for a long time. His eyes are focused on my face and my lips and my eyes and my hair, and then he lowers his lips to mine again. This kiss…_this kiss_ leaves me breathless.

His lips stay against mine as he _finally_ began to move inside of me. His thrusts are slow, and languid–they leave me wanting more. My tongue slips out and in between his lips and his mouth opens wider as he sucks it into his mouth. He's moaning and so am I, the vibrations between our lips fueling the friction down below. We stay with our mouths planted against each other for forever, it feels like…but he pulls away, eventually, to breathe. I take the opportunity to look upon his face.

His eyes are shining the same color blue they'd been the day I met him…the day I married him…the day he held Hale in his arms for the first time. I raise my hands to his face and cup his cheeks. He smiles and turns his head to kiss one palm and then turns to kiss the other.

Jasper rises to his elbows and puts his weight on his right, before trailing his left hand down my side, and my hip, and hooking my leg further up around him. He bends the knee on his left leg and changes the angle of his thrusts. I moan at the sensation, and close my eyes to bask in it. My mouth opens to try to let more air in, and he drops a kiss on my chin.

"Come for me, baby," he murmurs against my skin, and then grinds his hips against me. He's rubbing me right where I need him, and it feels fucking incredible.

His thrusts speed up, slightly, and with each surge forward he grinds against my center. There are sounds and words coming out of my mouth that would make a sailor blush, and I feel ready to explode. His head lowers further, until it's laying on the pillow with me. It turns just so that his lips press against the skin right under my ear. Every breath he takes sends a shock wave of pleasure through my whole body.

When his breathing begins to speed up, and I know he;s close, I pull my other leg up further also, and tighten my grip on him. He choke out a groan, and speeds his thrusts up even more. The angle we're making love in now is magic, and I fall into bliss after only five more thrusts. Jasper follows me, with his lips still pressed against my skin, and his breath still hot on my neck.

Once he can breathe again, somewhat, he pulls away from me immediately. I frown, but expected it–he wouldn't leave his weight on me when I was pregnant with Hale either. He lays down beside me, and pulls me to lay almost on top of him. His right arm stays planted around my shoulders and his left hand grabs my right. He clasps our fingers together and brings them to his lips.

Jasper speaks against our joined hands. "If it's a boy, I'd like to name him Peter."

I smile; of course I would want to name one of our children after Jasper's father. "Can his middle name be Charles?"

He laughs. "That almost takes care of both of my parents. Charles…Charlotte…"

I laugh with him. "Didn't think of that."

We chuckle together for awhile longer before he whispers, "I really hope it's a girl, Bell."

I raise my head to look at him. His eyes are still bright and shining, and _my smile_ is present on his lips. "What do you want to name her?"

He smirks. "Isabella."

I grimace. "Hell, no. I'm not subjecting my daughter to all of the nicknames that I have to put up with."

His bottom lip juts out. "But–"

"What about Roslyn? Close to Rose, but different enough to stand on its own. And besides, Lillian's middle name is Isabel. I want our daughter to be named kinda after Rose. And she's done so much for us…"

Jasper's lips turn up again. "Thought a lot about girl names, huh?"

I shrug, but silently admit I had. Lillian is so adorable, and I want Hale to have a sister. "I guess."

He chuckles. "Can her middle name be Marie? So she has some part of your name in there? I mean Hale's middle name is Wayne…and I hate that shit. But you and my mother–"

"Yes, Jasper." I sigh, but the smile on my lips betrays me. "Her middle name can be Marie."

His smile is blinding as he pulls me in for another kiss. When he pulls away, he tells me, "You and our babies are my whole life, Bell. I hope you know that you've made me into the man I am."

I blush and smile and kiss him again.

And that is how my life was spent. In Jasper Whitlock's arms–where I'd longed to be…since I was sixteen.


End file.
